So, where can kids learn about sex?  They learn from school, friends, TV and other media, and most importantly their parents.  The school system is limited in its approach because it has to honor all the different beliefs of all the parents.  Getting information from their friends is always going to happen, but the information is very skewed, depending on a lot of variables. TV and other media glamorize it, with high-profile teens like Bristol Palin and Jamie Lynn Spears,  that would lead your teen to think that sex is okay.  This is not anyone’s job but the parents….So parents, it’s up to you!

I remember when my daughters were 10 and 11 years old and I was planning “the talk”, you know the one where your kids roll their eyes and your not quite sure what to say.  I went to the bookstore and purchased a few books that I thought were interesting and might be good visual aids.  I came home and ask both of my daughters if we could spend a little time together talking about their body changes, sex and pregnancy.  My oldest daughter just starred at me and nodded yes, and my youngest screamed NO, and ran down the hall, only to hide in the closet. So I preceeded to go into the room where my youngest was hiding and talk to my oldest about all of these issues, knowing my youngest could hear me.  Occasionally saying, “did you get that Lindsay”, and she would just reply “Mom stop it”.  What I realized in that moment was that this was not an affective approach, that if I wanted my girls to be informed about these issues, I had to be willing to put in the time to educate them.  We can’t keep blaming the schools and the media for not teaching our teens about sex education; quite frankly, it’s not their job.  Surveys consistently show that parent’s are the most influential in areas of sex.

So, as usual, this topic, just like so many, come back to communication with your teen.  How well do you communicate with your teen and how open is he or she to you?  The biggest issue I see it that parents are very busy and they are not spending enough quality time with their kids. So when it comes time to educate their children on important issues, their kids are not open to them, and therefore are not open to the information the parents want to give them.

“The talk” is great, but the reality is, if you’re not talking to your kids about important issues like puberty, sex and pregnancy like it’s a normal day-to-day conversation, you might get a child hiding in the closet.  Also, one talk just simply does not work. If you want to influence your kids you have to be having conversations and communicating with them all the time. I talk about this a lot because it is so important.  If it is a topic that isn’t discussed in the household and all of a sudden you want to bring it to the table, there is going to be some difficulty.

Studies show that teens that have an open relationship and communicate with their parents have higher self-esteem.  When teens have a strong support system at home, other life issues seem less traumatic.  So parents even though your teens are acting like the know everything and have got things under control, they need your support and they need to feel safe in a world that sometimes feels pretty overwhelming and scary. Use the media as your stepping stone to many conversations and to developing an open line of communication with your precious teenagers.

I would love to hear from you, with any ideas you have about communication around these topics.  Happy parenting, and remember it’s fun when your involved.

This issue about body image is always up for teens I talk to and for myself.  It seems like it is one of the toughest issues to overcome.  Even when I am talking with grown women, it comes up.  I just wanted to post this video for you to watch and the stats regarding body image, it’s amazing.

The more secure we become with who we are, the more comfortable we will be with our bodies.  The more we will appreciate ourselves for who we are.  Here are 10 tips for loving your body:

1.  Appreciate your body for what it does for you. Just your feet alone, they have a tough job.
2. Write done what you like about yourself and view it often.
3.  Catch yourself when saying negative things about your body and say “Cancel” and back it up with something positive.
4.  Don’t buy into the media, its not realistic.
5.  Make sure you see the things in you, you want others to see in you….”That you are a good person”
6.  Catch your judgments of others, realizing that if you are judging others, you are judging yourself.
7.  Dress in clothing that you like, and that looks good on your body, don’t be to hung up on what is in style.
8.  Do nice things that make your body feel good: give yourself a pedicure, take a bubble bath, hug the parts that bother you
and tell them you love them.
9.  Hang around people that respect you and have good things to say about you.
10. Know that beauty comes from the inside out, and what makes you Shine is who you are, not what you look like.

I was going to say Teens are dating at a much earlier age than even 7 years ago, but I realized that dating is an outdated word and action.  Teens don’t date anymore, they hook up! They hang out and become boyfriend and girlfriend.  Even though the times have changed in how teens get together, there are still important issues to be aware of with being in a relationship with a boy, if it’s healthy or not.

My first suggestion is to write a list of important qualities that you want in a relationship or partner.  I have all the girls I mentor, no matter what age they are create this list.  So let me show you what a list might look like.  Include even the little things, like same hobbies or interests.

• Caring
• Communicative
• Honest
• Affectionate
• Giving
• Humorous
• Loves life
• Fun
• Cares about his health
• Confident
• Friendly
• Treats me and others well
• Likes to dance
• Likes hiking
• Shares his feelings
• Doesn’t drink or do drugs
  
• Cares about his future

So, do you get the picture?  Make the list as long as you need to, to be a complete list for you.  Now circle the list items that are negotiable, things that if they don’t have these qualities it would be okay.

Every time you are hanging out with a guy and getting to know him, refer to your list. If he is exhibiting something on the list that is the opposite like; he is a snob and treats others poorly, well; you know you can’t be in a relationship with him, right?
Right?  Don’t think your going to change him, move on to find a relationship with someone that has the qualities you want, not someone you have to change to be that person. People don’t change usually for other people.

If you keep spending time with guys that are not what you want, you keep the door closed to spending time with the guys you want to be with.  So just be friends with the guys that don’t have the qualities you are looking and keep that door open to bringing in a guy that has the qualities you want.

A few of girls I mentor stay in relationships with guys that they should not be in relationship with thinking that they can change them. Look at your behavior around this because this means you have self-esteem issues to work on.  You might not think that you are worthy of someone treating you well and you getting what you want in a relationship. If this is the case let’s start working on you and your sense of self now, so you can have good relationship.

Let me know how your list is coming and if this has helped at all.  We all deserve good relationships and people in our lives that show up for us and love us.

I’ve experienced both being an insecure teenager, and being a worried parent, and I can honestly say it’s a toss up regarding who is the most stressed out.

As a teenager, I had anxiety pumping through my body most of the time because of my insecurities, my friends shunning me, a boyfriend treating me poorly, my clothes, my complexion and the pressures of homework.  I know as an adult these don’t seem like big deals, but they are when you are a teen.

As a parent, I also had my share of anxiety running through me, with worrying about my daughters (big one), my job, my relationships, and the household duties, cleaning and bills etc.  I was a single parent so the instead of having 2 people in the house to bear the burden, it was just me.  I know there are a lot of single parents out there dealing with the same issues I went through.  Parenting is hard enough with 2 participating parents, when you take one away it gets really tough.

I’ve put some tips together for parents on dealing with the stresses of their own lives and also how to support their teens through stressful times.

Tips For Parents To Support Their Teen:

• Encourage your teen to talk about what is bothering them, listen to them, allowing them to explore their feelings
• Give them positive reinforcement, watch the negative talk
• Teach them how to problem solve, asking them questions about their stresses, and talk about solutions, together
• Pick your battles wisely, try to let the small stuff go (clean bedroom, the way they are dressed), it only adds pressure
• Help them with their homework if needed
• Encourage them to participate in hobbies they like
• Go to the gym together, this is a great stress reducer
• Hugs them a lot, touch soothes stress
• Let them know that you are there for them, and they are not alone

Tips For Parents To Relieve Their Stresses:

• Make sure you are on a good exercise regiment
• Pay attention to alcohol intake, it can add to anxiety
• Don’t ignore your problems, face them head on
• Practice Meditation
• When you are feeling overly stressed out during the day, close your eyes and breathe for a moment
• Do nice things for yourself, take baths, trade foot rubs with your teen, get a massage
• Make sure your being creative, not just working, and tending to the kids
• Share daily chores with the whole family
• Make sure you are taking care of business, not letting things pile up, physically and emotionally
• Reach out to friends for support

Stress can hurt us physically, and beat us up emotionally, so it’s important to pay attention and do what we can to reduce it. Today’s economic times in general are very stressful; so try not to add to it.  Realizing that we are on a journey with this thing called life and try not to take it so seriously.  Enjoy the journey and know that what is happening in your life is meant to be for you to learn what lessons you need to learn.

I would love to hear how you have reduced stress in your life and how it has affected you.