Bullying, this seems to be a very hot topic in the school system today.  Who are these bullies?  Where are they? Why do they bully?

Bullies can be anyone, any age, any size, and any color.  Bullying is in the school system, the adult work environment, it’s everywhere.

People bully because they don’t feel good about themselves, they have low self-esteem.  Someone threatens them some how and they go into reaction mode. How can someone become threaten, is it because of insecurities. Someone at school is better at something, or they think someone is prettier, more popular, someone gets a promotion, and it goes on and on. If they feel threatened by someone else, they react, and sometimes their reactions are very mean.   They are not conscious of how mean they really are. I don’t believe that if people knew they were mean people, that they would continue behaving that way.

I was just having a conversation with a friend this week regarding her daughter in high school that was being bullied. It started out with one girl treating her poorly, and then within 2 months had escalated to 13 girls.  This girl that was being bullied is such a sweet gal, and doesn’t have a mean bone in her body, a perfect victim for bullies.  She had lost her appetite; she wasn’t sleeping much, and was having such anxiety. It is such a shame, the grief that these bullies caused this girl. The mother decided to pull her daughter out of the school she was in and put her in another one.

This decision proved to be a good one; it immediately has made a difference in her behavior. It’s hard to know what is right for each person. If you are being bullied, first there is no easy solution, talk to someone about it and come up with a game plan. Don’t let it get out of hand. If you’re a bully start to look at your behavior.  When something triggers you, do you lash out at people? If so, start to look at why and what causes this behavior.

Wake up to your actions, stop spreading harm in the world, stop participating in the negative influences.  Start aiding in the healing of the planet and peoples soul. Really start paying attention to your behavior and how you affect others.

Let me know if you have been bullied or been a bully at some point in your life and how this has affected you.

I remember when my oldest was 11 years old and she wanted a party, and was a bit confused about what to do. It was going to be Halloween, so at least there was a theme.  I remember making up different games to entertain them and it was a good thing. At first my daughter was like “Mom that will be stupid”,  but when the party started, and they were all looking for fun things to do, we were both happy that the dorky Mom came through.

One idea that I am going to share with you is a My Feet Aren’t Ugly Journaling Party for your daughter and her friends. Girls love to journal.  I have a kit that comes with my book, My Feet Aren’t Ugly, Journaling pages, a cool pen, and why journaling is so good for you. You can also use the kit for Birthday parties, and have the girls write on the journaling pages a song for the birthday girls to keep.  If you are really eager to please you can teach the girls how to make there own journals, I do this in my workshops. The girls love making their own journals to write in.

Journaling has always been a part of my life and I think it’s a good place to put your feelings, where there is no judgments from anyone.

A few great party ideas:

*Beauty Salon Day- only the girls do pedicures, manicures, and mask on each other

*Scavenger Hunts are always fun, no matter what your age

* Hollywood Parties are fun-dress up like your favorite star and throw a red carpet down and check off their names as they come in and for the first hour they have to play the part of the star.

*Bowling Parties are also fun

These are just a few ideas for fun parties. E-mail me if you want to talk about getting some My feet aren’t Ugly Journal kits, the cost is only $14.99 each.

Also, let me know your favorite party ideas.

What a story… about the 18, teenage girls creating a pregnancy pact in Gloucester, Massachusetts, and on the same day that Jamie Lynn Spears gives birth to her baby.

For the first time since 1991, birth rates have risen 3 percent in 2006, according to preliminary data released in December by the National Center for Health Statistics.

It seems that this is another opportunity for parents to get close and personal with their teenagers. Instead of freaking out, ask your teenager what they think about all of this. Ask them what they think it would be like to raise a baby at there age. Communicate with your teen about issues that could affect them. Pretending like these issue don’t exist, doesn’t make it so.

Many parents are thinking how will this affect my teenager, will she think it’s cool to get pregnant? Maybe so, so you better find out and start the communication now! The only way to help your teen today is to talk to them about everything that is out there that the media is bringing to light. It’s a great opportunity to find out what they are thinking and to educate them on the real facts of a situation.

When my oldest daughter was 13 years old, I was sitting outside with her and 2 of her friends and I said to them, “Your pregnant, what are you going to do?” Hypothetically. Each one of them had a different answer. One said have the baby and keep it, one said have the baby and give it away, and the other said abort.

So, you don’t know what your teen is thinking until you ask. Start talking to your teens about everything, bring all of the issues to the light and discuss them, pregnancy, sex, drug use, eating disorders, everything. It’s up to us as parents to go to our teens and talk about things. Research the information together on the favorite tool, the Internet, and find out the facts.

We live in a different world today, compared to when I was a teenager or even my girls where teens. We have to pay attention to our kids and what’s going on with them and other teens.

Good luck parents, and let me know how it goes.

I spend a fair amount of time with teenage girls and I have notice that some have great social skills and others are lacking.

Last Friday I got to spend the day with a great group of girls at Copper Canyon Academy. I presented 2 workshops about loving yourself from the inside out. Even thought some of these girls have issues they are dealing with, all in all they were very respectful, and their social skills seemed to be in tact. I have also presented workshop at another school here in town and notice an extreme difference. They were, not all of them but quite a few of them were very rude and non-engaging. I started to look at what the differences could be, after talking with staff about this very issue.

The school that was so disrespectful didn’t have strict rules, and the teens where running the show. The other school where the teens were more engaging and a lot more polite had a very strict curriculum, and the teachers and staff was obviously running the school and the teens knew it.

I’m not saying to be militant with the way you raise your teens, but I do believe that if they think they are the boss, they probably won’t know how to handle the authority, and it will come off bossy, and rude. This is where talking to our teens about social skills is so important. We don’t have to rule with a heavy hand if we are communicating with our teens.

I would love your feedback as a parent and a teen on what makes teens have good social skills.

Wow! Does America shop a lot? Every time I go to a store to get something I need, I see thousands of people consuming. Consuming a lot, a lot of what they don’t need. I watched this video on my computer a few days ago called “The Story of Stuff”. I highly recommend this video to everyone.

It shows how much we consume and why. It has been something that has been on my mind for quite a while. My oldest daughter is always questioning me about the stuff I buy and where it’s made. If a nice shirt cost $9.99, you have to wonder how they made it so cheap. The cost aren’t cheap at all, it’s just who is paying for it, if we aren’t.

The video “The Story of Stuff” talks about how we watch TV, only to be told by the ad’s that we aren’t good enough because we don’t have the up and coming stuff. We work, watch TV, shop, sleep, work, watch TV, shop. It’s a viscous cycle. This video really helped me understand how TV makes me feel bad about myself, and since I’m all about building self-esteem in teenage girls and helping parents raise their teenage girl with confidence. I say monitor the TV your teen watches and watch this video “The Story of Stuff” with your teen. Healthy Happy Teens, isn’t that what we all want?

After you see it, let me know what you think. Debra