Wow, what a week. Volunteering for the Film Festival, and the PTSA, and doing all of my work, and home stuff too. The question is who’s taking care of me? The answer is ME! So, if I’m not, guess what, no ones else is. I have had such a sense of overwhelm this week and when I finally realized that I can stop this crazy behavior anytime, it was such a relief.
One of the ways we take care of ourselves is to not over-book our schedule to the point of exhaustion. I have a lot of energy so what I tend to do is book myself solid. Some of the problems with this is I get tired, and I don’t allow time to relax and wind down. I really have to pay attention to how much I put on my plate and how much of it’s mine and how much is somebody else’s. This is just a gentle reminder to all of us out there that are on a treadmill running so fast that our legs are getting tripped up.
Slow down, and take a bath, have a cup of tea or just lay flat and do nothing. This is all I have to say, breathe, and relax and realize that all of the stuff you need to get done, doesn’t really need to be done today. So, have a great weekend, relaxing.
Before giving the quick tips for self-esteem, lets talk about what self-esteem is. The Webster’s dictionary says;
Self-Esteem- The esteem or good opinion of oneself.
Now lets look at what esteem is;
Esteem- To set valve on, to regard with respect.
Wow, the opinion of oneself, not the opinion of others…beautiful! Then to set valve on, again our value of our self. If we don’t value our self, we won’t treat our self with respect, therefore our opinion of our self will be low. If our opinion is low, our self-respect will be low, and guess what our self-esteem will suffer.
If we have low self-esteem, we will make decisions from a place of lacking confidence. If our self-esteem is high, we make better decisions for our self. We want to value who we are, love who we are, and make good decisions for our self to reinforce our self worth, thereby strengthening our self-esteem. So now that we know what self-esteem is and how important it is, we can implement these tips to strengthen these parts of our self that are critical to being the person we want to be. So, here they are.
Quick Tips to Self-Esteem
1. Learn to like yourself, make sure that you have the qualities that the people you like have, like caring, honesty, supportive, positive, loyal and communicative.
2. Work on removing the things you dislike about yourself by changing your actions, attitudes or perceptions about those things.
3. Realize what makes you shine comes for the inside of you, not what you look like.
4. Make sure you are being good to yourself by taking care of yourself with positive self-talk, negative self-talk lowers your self-esteem and your light.
5. Practice doing good things for yourself by eating right, exercising, being creative, getting enough sleep, and keeping stress to a minimum.
6. Enjoy being you, you are the only you in the world.
7. Realize we play a big role in the world and we get to pick if we affect it negatively or positively.
So, go out into the world with yourself being the unique, powerful, wonderful being that you are knowing that you have complete control over your behavior and actions.
I Hope this helps, we all need a little boost to remember how to love our self. Let me know some of the things you do to help yourself strengthen your self-esteem.
Drug prevention with teens is a big worry for a lot of parents. I found this article again by Sue Scheff that I really liked. She talks about peer pressure being a major factor in drug use and I agree. The more confidence your teen has, the better equipped to say “No thanks” and if their peers give them a hard time it will be easier to brush it off and not let it bother them. If they say no with confidence, their peers respect them.
So enjoy the article and we will talk soon, I am in the middle of finishing my parenting book, hoping to have it out at the beginning of the year.
Be an educated parent
Why do they start? What Should I Look For?
A major factor in drug use is peer pressure. Even teens who think they’re above the influence of peer pressure can often find it hard to refuse trying drugs when they believe their popularity is at stake. Teens may feel that taking drugs or alcohol to fit in is safer than becoming a perceived social exile, and may not realize that their friends will not abandon them simply for refusing a joint or bottle of beer. A popular adage that is thrown around regarding peer pressure says if your friends would abandon you for not accepting an illegal substance, they’re not “real” friends- but try telling this to a teenager. A more effective method is to acknowledge the pressure to fit in and work with your teen to find solutions to these problems before they arise. Suggest that your teen offer to be the designated driver at parties, and work with them to develop a strategy for other situations.
Even agreeing to back your teen up on a carefully crafted story can help enforce your bond with them- giving them the okay to tell their friends to blame you or that you give them random drug tests will go a long way. Knowing they have your support in such a sensitive subject can alleviate many of their fears, and knowing they can trust you helps instill the idea they can come to you with other problems. This is also an excellent time to remind them to never allow friends to drive under the influence and to never get into a car with someone under the influence. Reassure your teenager that if they should give in to peer pressure and become intoxicated or high, or if they have no sober ride home though they are sober themselves that it is always okay to call you for a ride home. Some parents may want to consider getting teens a cell phone for emergency use, or giving them an emergency credit card for cab fare.
Depression is another major factor in drug use. For more in depth information on teenage depression, please visit Sue Scheff™’s Teen Depression Resource. Despite the fact that many substances actually make depression worse, teenagers may be lured in by the initial high, which in theory is only replenished by more drugs. Thus begins the vicious cycle that becomes nearly impossible to break without costly rehabilitation. If you notice your teen is acting differently, it may be time to have a talk with them to address these changes. Remember- do not accuse your teen or criticize them. Drug use is a serious cry for help, and making them feel ashamed or embarrassed can make the problem worse. Some common behavior changes you may notice if your teen is abusing drugs and alcohol are:
•Violent outbursts, disrespectful behavior
•Poor or dropping grades
•Unexplained weight loss or gain
•Skin abrasions, track marks
•Missing curfew, running away, truancy
•Bloodshot eyes, distinct “skunky” odor on clothing and skin
•Missing jewelry money
•New friends
•Depression, apathy, withdrawal
•Reckless behavior
I hope this helps, I think the information is amazing.
Are we victims or do we take responsibility for are own stuff? Here is an exurb from my book about being a victim.
Sometimes we feel like victims because we are not willing to accept responsibility for ourselves and our actions. It is impossible to have self-esteem if you are powerless. VICTIMS ARE POWERLESS! Let me explain. If you never admit that anything is your fault or believe you don’t have control over some situation in your life, how are you ever going to make any changes in yourself? If you think it is always someone else’s fault, then other people actually control what happens to you in your life. That sounds pretty scary to me. Make no mistake; you don’t have the power to change what anyone else does. You only have the power to change what you do. Here is a story I want to share with you.
I was sitting outside one night with my fourteen daughter and her friend Karen. Karen was visibly upset, and when I asked her what was going on, this is the story she told:
A few weeks ago,” Karen said, “I was at a guy’s house with a few friends and he asked me if I wanted to go down to the basement to talk. I was a little nervous, but I went down anyway and immediately he started kissing me, and he wouldn’t stop. I pushed him away and told him to let me go back upstairs, but he wouldn’t let me go. I kept struggling while he continued to kiss me. He yelled at me, “Why did you come downstairs in the first place?” I finally got away from him and ran back upstairs. Every time I think about it I feel sick to my stomach. I can’t believe he did that to me.
After Karen finished her story, I asked her if she thought there was anything she could have done that would have prevented the situation. Karen’s answer was that there wasn’t anything she could have done because he was older and stronger. So Karen, in this situation, decided to remain a victim. “He did it to me.” She was powerless because she believed there was nothing she could do. That’s a pretty scary place to be in life. That same situation could keep happening. In Karen’s mind, the only way to change the situation would be to change everybody else’s actions. How hard would that be? IMPOSSIBLE! You can’t change other people. That’s correct, but you can change yourself. As long as Karen believed she was a victim, this same kind of situation could keep happening to her. She really believed that she had no choice.
I talked to Karen about that nervous feeling, her uneasiness before going downstairs. Karen’s uneasiness was her intuition (her “inner voice”) letting her know she might be entering into a situation that wasn’t good for her. Sometimes that voice is so subtle, you have to listen carefully in order to hear it. When I asked her if she had listened to that voice and not gone downstairs with the guy, would that have prevented the whole situation? Her answer was, “Yes, yes it would have.” Then why had she gone down anyway? She said because she wanted him to like her. I asked her why she needed him to like her. Karen thought for a moment and then she shrugged her shoulders and said that she didn’t know why.
“Karen, do you like yourself?” I asked her. “Sometimes,” was her reply to me. “If you had more confidence and were more secure with who you are, would it have made it easier to say ‘no’? Would saying ‘No thanks, I’m going to hang with my friends’ have been easier for you?” Karen paused as she thought this over. Finally she smiled her beautiful smile and said, “I guess if I liked myself, it wouldn’t matter if anyone else liked me. I wouldn’t have to do things to get people to like me.” I told her the guy probably would have respected her for being confident.
Having confidence and satisfaction in oneself equals SELF- ESTEEM.
The biggest discovery for Karen was that she didn’t need to be a victim, and that she had the power to keep herself out of uncomfortable situations. Knowing that she didn’t have to be a victim gave Karen back her inner strength. Remember, before we talked there was nothing she thought she could have done. She was a powerless victim. Afterward, Karen was shining with power. She was excited with her new found strength. Listen to your inner voice. Be honest with yourself, and don’t do things that make you feel uneasy.
In most all situations, we have the power to make choices in our life that can affect us either negatively or positively. The most important thing to do, is listen to that inner voice we all have. Even if it’s a tiny little voice saying “I don’t know about this”, pay attention to it. You don’t need to have that inner voice validated with the answers why you shouldn’t, just know that your intuition is guiding you, and it always guides you in the right direction. So start paying attention to that voice and start making decisions that are good for you and stop giving your power away.
I would love to hear from anyone that has a great story to tell about being a victim or not.
After writing my blog on Friday about the Random Acts of Kindness, this website called We The World, A United World posted my blog on the Clothing exchange. That was a nice surprise but more importantly it’s an amazing website about passing it forward. As I was scrolling through I came upon this list of 100 ways for teens to make a difference in your community.
For service organizations or agencies that involve teens, “100 Ways to Make a Difference in Your Community” can be a powerful starting point for creating change. From something as simple as “walk a neighbor’s dog,” to the more structured “become a peer counselor,” this list has something all members can relate to. Developed by Youth Service America, a resource center and premier alliance of over 300 organizations committed to increasing the quantity and quality of opportunities for young people to serve locally, nationally, or globally, this list is sure to generate thought, discussion, and activity.
Through service, teens can be active agents of positive change in their communities. But figuring out how to get started in service can be intimidating for teens. The reactions can range from thinking there’s nothing productive to be done, to being overwhelmed with all the possibilities.
Involving the teens in creating a list of service activities, small and large, can help put the possibilities into the proper perspective. The following list, created by Youth Service America, can be a starting point for teens to create lists relevant to their own community’s needs.
100 Ways To Make A Difference In Your Community
Help teach a younger child to read.
Help cook and/or serve a meal at a homeless shelter.
Gather clothing from your neighbors and donate it to a local shelter.
Make “I Care” kits with combs, toothbrushes, shampoo, etc. for the homeless.
Pack and hand out food at a local food bank.
Adopt a “grandfriend” and write them letters and visit them.
Visit senior citizens at a nursing home.
Rake leaves, shovel snow, clean gutters, or wash windows for a senior citizen.
Pick up groceries or medicine for an elderly person.
Go for a walk with a senior citizen in your community.
Deliver meals to homebound individuals.
Hold an afternoon dance for your local nursing home.
Teach a senior friend how to use a computer and the Internet.
Paint a mural over graffiti.
Invite local police officers to present a drug awareness or safety presentation.
Tutor a student that needs help learning English or some other subject.
Organize a canned goods drive.
Clean up a vacant lot or park.
Organize a campaign to raise money to purchase and install playground equipment.
Plant flowers in public areas that could use some color.
Nothing makes me feel as good as I feel when I participate in a random act of kindness, or any act of kindness for that matter. Last night I was preparing for a clothing exchange with about 15 girls. There was this black sweat pant outfit with a jacket with beautiful embroidery on both that a friend had given to me, that I was contemplating taking it to exchange. The sweat suit was a little to small for me, but I was crazy about it. This wasn’t your typical sweatsuit by the way, the embroidery was fantastic. I kept trying it on, thinking that I would wear it someday. So, as I was looking through my closet, picking the clothes to take, there the sweatsuit is staring at me, and I have to make a decision. After long deliberation, I put it in my pile to take.
I arrived at the exchange, laid out my clothes and started to get to know the girls and go through clothes. The hostess of the exchange saw the sweat suit and was crazy about it, as crazy about it as I was. She tried it on, and it looked unbelievable on her, it fit her perfectly. She was so excited. She said she had been cleaning all day preparing for the exchange and this was such a perfect gift for her hard work. Her excitement about the sweatsuit made me so happy about taking it to the exchange that there was absolutely no remorse about not having it myself. She tried it on twice through out the night and kept expressing her excitement and gratitude.
Isn’t that how it always is when we give or do random acts of kindness. We always think we are doing it for the other person, when in fact it makes us every bit as happy as it does the receiver.
The whole night was women thanking each other for the gifts that they had contributed and sharing of their lives experiences. It was one of the most loving environments I have been in, in a long while. It just make me connect with myself, through connecting with these amazing women. This is what giving does, it connects us to that space inside our selves that is aching to connect. So if you are ever feeling disconnected from the world, people or yourself, a random act of kindness will bring you back home to yourself.
Step out and make it part of your life to give a Random Act of Kindness and to look a what you are grateful for, it make us feel so good.
Hey Teens, summer is just around the corner and for those of you that are going to enter the wonderful world of working for a living (or maybe just working for next years school clothes and having fun). Here are some job ideas. I did a blog last year regarding summer jobs for teens. I am big advocate of entrepreneurialship, working for yourself. There are so many ways to create jobs for yourself, and make more money, I’m not quite sure why you would work for someone else.
It is also going to be tougher this year to get a job, because of the current economic situation we are in. Those jobs that teens usually go for during the summer might well be taken by someone else that has lost his job. So that’s what makes creating your own job even more appealing.
When I look at the typical job for teens today like fast food restaurant, I think there must be a better way.
Besides working with Teen’s and being an author, I have owned a few businesses. I love being my own boss, because I get to do things my way, it’s a great learning experience and best of all my hard work pay off, goes to me. Of course you may have some small start up costs, and costs of doing business, but then the rest is yours.
So here are some great business ideas for teens:
• Web Consultant- most teens I know have a way with computers and most adults I know struggle with it. Help them set up and manage Social Networking Sites (My Space, etc.
• Nanny- if you like kids and your good with them, kids are out of school during the summer, but parents still have to work.
• Dog Walker or Pet sitting- I’m always looking for someone to help me with my animals. I pay $35.00 to $50.00 a night.
• Dog Washer- if someone had a service on a Saturday or anytime where I could just drop in and have my dos washed I would love it. All you need is water towels, dog shampoo and a location. I think if you charged $12.00 for a small dog, $16.00 for a medium, and $20.00 for a large dog, people would do it all day long.
• Car Detailing- with a few supplies and a knowledge of what is clean and what is not, you could wash, wax, clean vents, and vacuuming right at their homes
• Errand running- there are a lot of elderly people and people that are very business that need help, just running errands or helping around the house with odd jobs.
• Cleaning Service- if you have a sense of what is clean and what is not, this is a great business.
Most of the time the people buy the cleaning products and you just go clean.
• Tutoring- tutor a younger teen or child while going through summer school or with subjects they are having difficulty with. Parents love this one.
• Small business assistant- I used to always get teens to help me with different jobs for my business. They would come for 2 hours a day and I would have things like shredding, bookwork, cleaning, organizing inventory, so many things.
So, get a plan together, and start preparing now because summer is almost here. Get the supplies you need, how many hours it will take, how much you are going to charge, who are you going to call, make a flyer, post it, tell all of your parents friends, and ask if they know anyone that needs your help. I think working is a lot more fun, when you are your own boss, so go have some fun and make some money and let me know how it goes.
Sexting, sending nude photos of yourself to someone through your cell phone. What are teens thinking…or are they?
It seems with all of this great new technology comes and big responsibility to the parents to educate their teens on what the dangers might be. It’s not all fun and games.
These are photos that you can’t take back, once they leave your phone and go to another persons phone, they can do what they want with them. Here is another video from the Today Show regarding this topic.
It seems so harmless and fun for teens, until something like this happens. It’s easy to find information on this subject parents. Ask your teen what he or she thinks about sex-ting, and then get on the Internet and start doing some research. Teens might not even think about the consequences. Ask them what if you or someone you know sends a nude picture to your boyfriend, and you break up and he is not happy about the break-up. What is the risk there?
It always comes down to it being our responsibility to educate our kids, so we have to be a step ahead them, which is really hard. My suggestion is always keep an open line of communication with your teen, so that they will keep you informed about what is going on. Get on the Internet and do the research first when your kids are younger, twelve and below, so that you will know what is going on. Even though new issues pop up everyday.
Why is your teen pulling away? It is a question many parents ask me. I can totally understand their concerns because there are many reasons why your teen could be pulling away, one being the normal process of separation, the rest being possible drug use, depression or just working through their own stuff.
If it is drugs, usually other things are going on in their lives as well. Signs to look for are declining interest in activities your teen use to enjoyed, declining school grades, and radical mood swings that seem to be about more than just teen hormones.
Teenagers are faced with a lot of different pressures, from developing into adults, to the very question of who they are and how they can fit in. It isn’t easy to decipher between depression and your teenager starting to assert their independence. Here is a list of symptoms of a depressed teen:
Sleeping a lot more than usual
Edginess, anger, or hostility
Sadness, frequent crying, or hopelessness
Thoughts of death or suicide, talking about it
Difficulty concentrating,
Lack of energy
Withdrawing from friends
Loss of interest in activities
Lack of motivation and enthusiasm
Feeling worthless and guilty
Depression and drug use come with assortment of symptoms that would be noticeably different than a teen pulling away to begin his or her own path toward independence. If you believe it to be drug use or depression, talk to your teen about how they are feeling and seek professional help. Hopefully it’s just the normal independence pull most all teens go through.
I remember when my oldest daughter starting pulling away, my heart felt broken. We went from being very close, to her spending a lot of time in her bedroom or with friends. I used to open the door to her bedroom and say “have you seen my daughter Amber around” and she would say exaggerated “Mom, I’m right here” and we would both giggle. I didn’t take it personally although it felt personal.
It is a normal progression to growing up, they start to pull away to begin to see where their own boundaries are, not yours. If we try to control them with our decisions and not let them participate in making their own decisions, they are just going to shut down. What we don’t want is for them to start figuring out how to make decisions and setting their own boundaries with no practice.
So give them a little more rope each day and keep communicating with them about the decisions they have to make, and give them some space to start figuring things out on their own. The more you try to make decisions for them, and keep them from hanging out with their friends, the more they will shut down from you and that’s where the harmony in the household starts to dissipate.
Try not to take this personally, this isn’t about you. This about you helping your teen learn how to make good decisions and finding their own boundaries to become responsibly adults.
Good luck in raising healthy, confident and growing teens and let me know how it is going.
I have lived in Sedona for 10 years, and one of things I love most about it, is the changing seasons, without extremes. I was in Ashland Oregon 3 weeks ago where my daughters and grandson live and it looked unbelievable with the fall colors.
The trees dance with color, and their movement with the wind was magical. Sedona is magical in a completely different way. Sedona doesn’t have the extreme changing colors, but it also doesn’t have the extreme cold or hot. If you drive down the Oak Creek Canyon in the fall, you get this feeling that everything in the world is okay. The trees showing off their colors, the smell of camp fires, and the crisp, clean air. The days are warm and the nights are perfect, maybe a lite sweater. It’s even beautiful when all the leaves have fallen.
I lived in Ashland for 11 months before I moved to Sedona, and as beautiful as Ashland is, Sedona has become more than a home to me. Besides being totally breath taking, it holds me in a blanket of safety. I have never felt like I was home until Sedona. I lived in Phoenix for 33 years, and I never felt connected to the place or the community.
I was talking with Anne a gal at a party on Saturday night and we were talking about how Sedona either embraces you or unfortunately spits you out. I have seen many people spit out, it’s not pretty. I myself feel very lucky that it allowed me to stay. What really seems to be the ongoing thread is that, Sedona brings up the issues you need to work on, if you work on them, you’re in, if you don’t “toowee”.
It really allows me to live in a place that has 4 seasons without being brutalized by any of them, all of them are mild. No 20 below, yet, no 110 degrees. So, I guess I’m going to stay for awhile, as long as Sedona will let me or I keep working on my stuff.
Where do you live and what do you love about it most, and how does it make you feel?
