Internet safety is an on-going concern with parents and the Internet isn’t going away. I think the Internet is a good thing if we educate our kids and help them understand the dangers and help them be responsible users. I found this great article from NetNanny.com.
Top Ten Internet Safety Tips
First educate yourself, then your child.
Banning a child from certain sites may only motivate them to spend more time on them, whereas educating your child on how to keep safe will give them the tools they need to navigate their online world without being hurt; from not posting personal information to a site to understanding that people they are talking to may not actually be who they are. If the parents know the dangers themselves, this sets an example to the child to understand them as well.
Teach children the obvious identity rules.
Tell your children NOT to put photos of themselves on the Internet or to give out their names, addresses, phone numbers, schools, or other personal information online.
Install an Internet filter or family safety software.
Family safety software is becoming extremely advanced and an effective way to filter dangerous content. Additionally, this software usually comes with tools like time management, remote monitoring and reporting, and keystroke recognition, giving families greater peace of mind and manageability.
Know the dangers associated with sites your children frequent.
An ounce of prevention is worth a pound of cure. Whether it’s MySpace, Facebook or another social networking site, by knowing what people are doing on your children’s favorite sites that could put them in harm’s way, parents can educate their children and show them the warning signs of potentially dangerous situations.
Teach children what to do if they encounter pornography on a home or public computer, such as at a school or a library.
In a similar fashion to the fire warning of “stop, drop and roll,” you can teach children to quickly turn off power to the computer monitor and go to get an adult. This can prevent a child from attempting to stop the situation by clicking more buttons (and thereby spreading the attack and being exposed to more porn).
Manage your children’s time on the Internet.
Scheduling times when a child can be on the Internet and the amount they can be online ensures that you know when they are on the Internet and how long. By not allowing them to have free reign reduces their chances of being exposed to inappropriate content.
Set specific Internet guidelines for your children to live by and consistently enforce consequences, if they are not being followed.
Giving your children specific guidelines to follow will ensure they know where they stand when it comes to how they use the Internet as well as the consequences when they breach the rules. If a parent enforces consequences consistently, their children will be more likely to follow the rules.
Keep computers out of children’s bedrooms and in open areas.
With PCs in the open, children will be less inclined to view and access material that may not be acceptable.
Create a relationship with your children that is conducive to open communication.
Open communication and trust is extremely valuable. By letting children know what is expected from them and that their safety is a top priority, they will feel that if something happens –whether they are approached by a cyber stranger or bully or receive an inappropriate e-mail - they can approach a parent to resolve the issue without feeling they are in trouble.
Understand Internet Privacy Policies as they apply to your child.
Websites directed to children or that knowingly collect information from kids under 13 must post a notice of their information collection practices that includes:
types of personal information they collect from kids-for example, name, home address, email address or hobbies.
how the site will use the information-for example, to market to the child who supplied the information, to notify contest winners or to make the information available through a child’s participation in a chat room.
whether personal information is forwarded to advertisers or other third parties.
a contact at the site.
Get parental consent.
In many cases, a site must obtain parental consent before collecting, using or disclosing personal information about a child.Consent is not required when a site is collecting an email address to:
respond to a one-time request from the child.
provide notice to the parent.
ensure the safety of the child on the site.
send a newsletter or other information on a regular basis as long as the site notifies a parent and gives them a chance to say no to the arrangement.
What Parents Should Do:
Look for a privacy policy on any website directed to children.
The policy must be available through a link on the website’s homepage and at each area where personal information is collected from kids. Websites for general audiences that have a children’s section must post the notice on the homepages of the section for kids.Read the policy closely to learn the kinds of personal information being collected, how it will be used, and whether it will be passed on to third parties. If you find a website that doesn’t post basic protections for children’s personal information, ask for details about their information collection practices.
Decide whether to give consent.
Giving consent authorizes the website to collect personal information from your child. You can give consent and still say no to having your child’s information passed along to a third party.Your consent isn’t necessary if the website is collecting your child’s email address simply to respond to a one-time request for information.
I hope this helps out there in the virtual word, let me know.
I’m always finding great information on the Web and here is something I found from another great parenting site The Blog of P.U.R.E. by Sue Scheff. We are all working together to give parents and teens the tools they need to live a healthier happier life.
The site is BodiMojo, a site that promotes Health/Nutrition/Fitness for teens. Developed by teens themselves and experts. BodiMojo believes the future of health resides within our ability to provide behavioral motivation and incentives in an increasingly mobile and consumer-oriented world.
Health can be fun, and it can be habit forming.
Teens told us what they want and we listened. Watch us play: BodiMojo will include music, interactive tools, games, videos, community building, contest, original content, social networking modules, and customized user pages for teens. And plug us in-BodiMojo will also offer users new technology for fitness tracking and mobile motivation.
The BodiMojo philosophy is simple: Health can be cool
Nutritional experts, health professionals, and fitness gurus - along with our teens participants - will develop articles, information, graphics, videos, newsletters, interactive features and more.
The current site provides information and updates on the development of the full BodiMojo Web site as well as receive original content submissions form teens. Keep an eye on BodiMojo and our upcoming Virtual User’s Group, Blog, Contests and News. BodiMojo will launch in 2009.
…a body in motion tends to stay in motion.
BodiMojo will also be partnering with game developers, musicians, technologists, producers, athletes, writers, artists and business people interested in participating in BodiMojo’s mission. Contact us at partners@bodimojo.com.
Let me know what you think of the site, I thinks it’s going to be a great way for teens to be fit and healthy.
I remember this when my girls were teenagers, and it was coming up again with my partners boys. It’s tough for me to be their parent when they come to stay twice a year, so the best I can do is try to be a friend and still be view as a parent, where they respect me. I noticed that one of the twins started to do things that wasn’t showing respect, not listening to me when I’d ask him to do something, teasing a little to much, so I started to look at what was going on. The other twin was still treating with respect and I was treating him the same way I was treating the other.
My behavior with them was very casual, and fun, and they knew that they could talk to me for some reason. A lot of the time they would tell me things they wouldn’t tell their Dad, mostly because I didn’t react. I didn’t want our relationship to change, although I wasn’t enjoying the behavior of the one twin that wasn’t showing any respect. So, I decided to talk to him, tell him how I felt, that I liked our relationship, it was fun and I wanted to be able to maintain my relationship with him to have fun and I also wanted him to respect me. I told him the things that he was doing that was showing a lack of respect and ask him if he thought I was asking to much? He said “No”. I addressed this at the end of their stay so I won’t know if he was actually listening, or if it would have changed his behavior, I will have to see this winter.
I think we can have a relationship with our teens that is open and communicative, like a friendship, but with a strong parental umbrella. The parenting umbrella has to be there because if they have issues that only a parent can help them through, they have to have a strong parent to go to. I believe the friendship has to be there too because if it’s not there, there won’t be a comfort level to bring the big stuff to you.
I don’t think it’s a good idea to create a friendship with your kids where you are hanging out with them and their friends, and partying with them. You want to create a friendship where you are still the parent, not just a friend. Kids need their parents.
Kids also need parents who understand them and allow them to be teens, this is where the friendship comes in. Their friends understand them and allow them to be themselves. This is what we need to practice. Understanding doesn’t mean giving them permission to do what ever they want, it just means understanding what they are going through and being there to help them through it. If the friendship part is missing all together, they may never come to us with there big issues and we may never get the opportunity to help them through things.
My girls always knew they could talk to me about anything, now whether they did or not, who knows. I do know that they came to me with some pretty big issues. I wanted them to talk to me. I treated them like teenagers, and didn’t expect them to act like adults. They also had rules and consequences for braking those rules, but the rules weren’t rules expecting them to be adults. I didn’t set them up for failure. The part about the friendship that is so important is loving them and not judging them, so they can come to you when the need you, isn’t that what friends are for?
So, friend or parent? I say a perfect blending of both. Let me know your thoughts, and happy parenting.
When I read this article from a friend of mine, it made me realize how important it is to walk through your fears, and not allow them to control your life. When we plow through our fears even though it makes us uncomfortable, our fears become smaller and smaller. So, take a look at those fears you are avoiding and walk through through them one tiny step at a time, and soon they won’t be fears at all.
Guest Blogger Sunny Schlenger
Me? Thunderstorms. I head straight for cover when one is coming. If I were a dog I’d be shivering and whimpering and hiding under the bed.
This always puzzled me because when I was growing up, my parents and brother loved thunderstorms. They’d open the door to the front porch and stand by the screen door and watch the rain pour off the gutters in sheets. My dad used to say “Here comes Liberty Dam!” (our local reservoir and dam). I remember the wild smell of rushing water and the excitement of the cascade. But of course I was standing six feet back and cowering.
One day I asked my parents if they had any idea why I was so afraid of thunderstorms. My dad thought for a minute and answered, “Well, maybe it was because Nana was afraid of storms and when she used to baby-sit you, she probably took you into the closet with her when she went to hide.”
Oh.
Roy and I went to see some Native American history movies a few weeks ago and they showed some shorts produced by children with the help of a technology grant. One film in particular fascinated me. It was created by a ten year old girl and was about the beauty of rain and thunderstorms. Her narration told of the magic of storms and how they bring land and spirit together. She talked about how grateful she was for the storms that come in the summer and bring the land back to life.
Summer is monsoon season in Arizona, and it’s a season I’ve managed to avoid until now. I like to head back east for the summer months but this year we’re staying out here a little longer because we’ll be in North Carolina until October, for my daughter’s wedding. So I’m facing my first full Month of Monsoons.
Monsoons are thunderstorms on steroids. You can see them coming from miles away and they power through followed by dangerous flash flooding. These storms are custom-tailored to invoke terror in a phobic like me.
Fortunately I recognize an intervention from the Universe when I’m presented with one. This summer is my big chance to face my phobia head-on. I came across a quote in a magazine that I cut out and posted prominently on my desk:
“Life isn’t about waiting for the storm to pass. It’s about learning to dance in the rain.”
I’ve been talking with some friends who love storms and I’m really trying to listen when they describe the wonder and positive thrill of the experience. I also talked with a friend who is a phobia-treatment specialist and I took notes on how to deal with the biggest part of my fear – the sudden loud cracks of thunder overhead. Apparently a lot of my anxiety has to do with the anticipation of the noise.
I seem to do better when I can use flashes of lightning to prepare me for the coming big bang, so last week I went out on my covered back patio to watch an oncoming storm. I sat way back in the corner so I was protected from the wind and rain and tried to focus on this demonstration of the Wild West at her natural best.
I practiced my deep breathing and refused to give in to my inclination to high-tail it to perceived “safety”. I rode out that thunderstorm on the patio, singing the Doors’ “Riders on the Storm” to myself and whatever wildlife was around to listen.
I wish I could say that that was it, and I’m now at peace with thunderstorms. No, but it was a beginning. I’m determined not to go through the rest of my life at the mercy of a fear I’ve had since before I was three. It’s time to make a change.
We don’t have to be held hostage to fears that have controlled us in the past. The first step is to realize that fact, and make a choice to work with whatever is frightening us. Our choices have power. Even such a simple decision as not to give in to a knee-jerk reaction of flight. I may still be a distance from “enjoying” a thunderstorm but I also don’t have to respond like a three year old either.
After all, life isn’t about waiting for the storm to pass. It’s about learning to dance in the rain.
Sunny Schlenger is a professional organizer, author and mentor with over 30 years of experience as a pioneer in her field. She helped launch the “custom-tailored” approach to getting organized in the 90’s with her best-selling book, How To Be Organized In Spite Of Yourself http://www.SunCoach.com
This is a question to be answered for all ages. It’s not just a teen problem, it seems to be a problem with women of all ages. When we have low self-esteem, we seem to hang on to those bad relationships a bit to long. It’s even a problem with guys! I was just talking to a guy friend of mine and he hasn’t been in a relationship for quite a while and his old girlfriend contacted him and he is considering going back into a dysfunctional relationship because he is lonely.
Weather you are 15-years-old or 40-years-old, male or female, the question of the hour is: when is it time to dump a bad relationship? My immediate answer would be now, but maybe there is a lesson in here for you, and we also have to judge how bad is the relationship. If the relationship is really bad, he is abusing you verbally or physical, NOW is the answer. Find support and get out, and start doing your work around your sense of self. We always know where we are in our lives by looking at the relationships we allow in. We never want to stay in relationships that are potentially dangerous.
They are so many level of abuse, and we don’t want to over look what seems to be something small like a little cut down. We have to get finite with how we allow people to treat us. If a boyfriend is criticizing us about anything, our hair, our body, our personality, they way we do things, they way we say, things this is a red flag. Constructive criticism looks different and feels different as well. If someone is saying something to help you, you usually won’t contract and feel hurt. They way you know the difference is to see how you feel after. Are you upset and hurt, or maybe your just saying “Wow, you have a good point there”.
If your body contracts, and you have feelings of anger, hurt, sadness, or fear it’s a good indicator that something is off and you need to look deeply into the relationship you are having. When we stay in relationships that are abusive, it’s because we don’t feel good about ourselves. If we felt good about ourselves, it would be easy to say “No Thank You”.
Now, what if your boyfriend apologizes? Well, lets look at this. If he comes to you with real sorrow and he understands what he has done and is working on himself to not do it again, then give him another shot. But if apologizing becomes his way of being in the relationship, meaning every time he does something wrong, he knows all he has to do is apologize and everything is okay, then forget it. We want to build healthy relationships in our life because when we let people in our lives that don’t treat us good, it damages our self esteem even more. The more we say No to things that aren’t good for us, the more empowered we become. The more empowered we become, the more we say No. The easier it is to say No. It’s the power circle I talk about in my book.
So, start paying attention to those relationships in your life, are they healthy, are they good for you? If you had a child would you want them to be in those relationship? That’s always a good question to ask. If not, it’s time to walk away. Walking away from things or people that aren’t good for us develops our self esteem.
Is it time to dump your boyfriends, maybe, maybe not. Maybe you have a daughter that needs help with this decision, I hope this helps, let me know.
“Listen to me, don’t talk back, what’s the matter with you? You’re grounded” Who is this Father talking to? It appears that he is talking to his daughter, but his daughter is clearly not there. His daughter is so shut down that she is no longer able to hear what her father is saying.
I felt like my parents didn’t see me, couldn’t see me, because of their own wounds that they had not worked through. Now, I don’t blame them, I know they did the best they could. All I am saying is that because they were unable to do their inner work, they were not able to show up for me.
When I first started working with teens, I noticed that for them to really shift their behaviors, I had to shift the parents behaviors too. If you as a parent are only reacting to your teen and not responding, your teen will never open up to you and allow your guidance.
When we are in our own childhood wounds, we cannot be available for our teens, because we are looking to meet our own needs. We can only step into their reality if our wounded child has been taken care of. This is the premise of my new book “Connecting to your Teen in a Disconnected World”. taking care of our self. It is virtually impossible to be present for someone else if we are not
If you get to know your childhood wounds and how they could show up for you, you will see how it is affecting you, and your reacting to your teen through them.
If your teen does something, lets say she stays out later than her curfew and immediately you go into panic mode, and slip into your fears. She comes home and you start in right away with “Where were you, what were you doing, your thirty minutes past your curfew, your grounded”. Geez, she didn’t even have a moment to tell her mother what happened. So the daughter gets upset and starts yelling and it goes back and forth and ends with the mother saying you’re grounded and walking out. Total Reaction.
The mother was clearly triggered by her daughter coming in late because she has an unresolved childhood wound, maybe her own mother not respecting her and not following through on things she said she would do. If this is the case, she would react to her teen instead of respond.
If the mother would have responded instead of reacted, this is what it might have looked like. Mother says “Are you okay, I noticed you are thirty minutes late?” “Yes, mom I am okay, Jeannie saw Mr. Walker her English teacher at the concert and they were talking”. “I totally understand that things like this happen and what I would like you to do in the future is call me and see if it’s okay if you stay out later. This is our agreement and for your father and I to continue to trust you, you have to make sure your actions are trustworthy”.
This is your opportunity to explain integrity, and trust and its importance. If we react, the learning is missed because they are thinking about how unreasonable you are instead of learning a deeper level of integrity. Reacting has no purpose and only does damage. We have to learn to move through our own woundedness so we can show up for our teens with compassion and clarity. It’s hard to respond to our teens is we are in reaction mode. So, it’s time to do your work around your childhood wounds and do some healing, so you can start showing up for your teen in a whole new way.
Lets me know if you have a situation that you have dealt with regarding responding or reacting and what you did. It’s a tough journey to be working on your childhood wounds and still be showing up for your teens.
Integrity is having an uprightness of character or action. It implies trustworthiness.
We know our code of honor; we know when we show a lack of integrity–in other words, when we are not trustworthy.
Do we like people who don’t have Integrity? When our friends lie to us, do we think it is okay? This seems like a very basic quality we should learn when we are younger, but somehow it misses the boat.
It is very important to develop integrity within oneself. When we lie, cheat, steal or deceive, we hurt ourselves. We damage our self esteem. We never want to do something that makes us view our self as someone without integrity. How can we like people who lack integrity? You, yourself, don’t like those kinds of people, so make sure that you aren’t one. Everything always comes down to liking yourself, so you can love yourself, so you can have confidence and be happy.
People treat us differently when they can not trust us. They don’t open up to us, therefore we prevent close relationships from happening in our lives. People are afraid of sharing personal information with us, so this only allows a very shallow friendship.
It is so much nicer to be able to have close relationships that we can share our dreams, our upsets and our fears with, knowing that they will honor us, by keeping that information to themselves and not sharing or gossiping with others about it.
If we want friendship with people that have integrity, we have to have integrity, that is just the way the world works. If you lie to your friends, they will never believe your words, again it will be impossible to trust you, therefore limiting your
relationship.
If we are doing things that hurt other people, and yes lying, cheating, and being dishonest indeed hurts others, and guess what, it hurts us too. When we are people we don’t like, it damages our self esteem. We become people we don’t like and if we are people we don’t like, our sense of self suffers.
When we have low self esteem, we tend to make everyday decisions in our life through that space instead of a confident place. Can you see how that could affect our life? Because the decisions we make, create the life we live. So, if we are out there making bad decisions, how do you think our life will look? Take a moment and think about it.
It’s safe to say that having Integrity is important, it is a part of who you are. So, in looking at who you are or who you want to be, think about: do you have integrity?
Have you ever been in an argument with your teen, and when it was over, you felt completely beaten down? You may have felt weak, tired or anxious. You might even have had physical symptoms of pain, such as a stomachache.
At times like this, the conversation seems more like a boxing match. After only three rounds, you feel like you’re about to drop. Then comes round four. Your teen says, “Come on, Mom, you’re so old fashioned.” At round five it’s: “Everyone else is going.” Then comes round six: “Angie’s mom is so cool. Why can’t you be like her?” followed by round seven: “I hate you! I can’t wait to get out of here!” That’s the knockout punch. The conversation is over.
How do you stop an argument with your teen from spinning out of control? No matter what the issue, it seems that you wind up in the same place, over and over. It’s a no-win scenario, leaving both parties near death. No one feels good when the battle is over, even if one party gets his or her way.
I believe there are two points of view that will solve this dilemma. First, both parties have a right to their opinion, and second, both parties have a right to have boundaries. If both of these issues are honored, then the discussion will play out quite differently.
Let’s take a closer look at the first point: both parties have a right to their opinion. This perspective requires stepping into the other person’s reality and taking a look at the situation from their point of view before reacting. It is trying to develop compassion by understanding what the other person is going through. Stepping into their teenager’s shoes is particularly hard for parents to do because they feel that they know better. And maybe they do. But teens learn from their own experiences, not from what their parents have learned.
This does not mean that teens should be allowed to do whatever they want. It means that they should be allowed to express themselves and to explore the options.
A good strategy for you as a parent is to ask your teen a lot of questions about the issue, request or situation. It helps to understand why your teen is wanting what he or she wants. Then the two of you can look at the pros and cons of the choices. What this approach does is to turn a potential argument into a discussion.
If a battle breaks out anyway and you find yourself in what I call a “spinning class”—going nowhere fast—and your teen is throwing one punch after another, it’s time to move into “setting boundaries.” It’s time to stop engaging. Set a boundary and do not discuss the topic anymore. Change the subject, ignore the comments and walk away.
It’s hard to simply walk away when someone is yelling mean things at you. But if there is no one to engage in an argument, the battle stops. First, you must be calm. Then set the boundary. You might say, “I am not going to discuss this with you anymore. This is what it is, and the discussion is over.” Then do not discuss it anymore, do not justify your position. When you get into explaining your decision, you open it back up for discussion. Parents tend to want to justify themselves because they don’t want to feel bad about their teen not liking them. You have to be okay with your teen not always liking you.
So first put yourselves in your teen’s shoes to truly understand his or her point of view and so that your teen will feel heard. If the conversation still goes sour, set a boundary. Your teen will more willingly adhere to your rules after feeling heard. Although your relationship with your teen might get worse before it gets better, eventually it will shift. And when it does, it will be a win-win situation. You just have to be the first one to get out of the rink.
Let me know how this works for you, I have had a lot of success with it in my mentoring.
Hey Teens, summer is just around the corner and for those of you that are going to enter the wonderful world of working for a living (or maybe just working for next years school clothes and having fun). Here are some job ideas. I did a blog last year regarding summer jobs for teens. I am big advocate of entrepreneurialship, working for yourself. There are so many ways to create jobs for yourself, and make more money, I’m not quite sure why you would work for someone else.
It is also going to be tougher this year to get a job, because of the current economic situation we are in. Those jobs that teens usually go for during the summer might well be taken by someone else that has lost his job. So that’s what makes creating your own job even more appealing.
When I look at the typical job for teens today like fast food restaurant, I think there must be a better way.
Besides working with Teen’s and being an author, I have owned a few businesses. I love being my own boss, because I get to do things my way, it’s a great learning experience and best of all my hard work pay off, goes to me. Of course you may have some small start up costs, and costs of doing business, but then the rest is yours.
So here are some great business ideas for teens:
• Web Consultant- most teens I know have a way with computers and most adults I know struggle with it. Help them set up and manage Social Networking Sites (My Space, etc.
• Nanny- if you like kids and your good with them, kids are out of school during the summer, but parents still have to work.
• Dog Walker or Pet sitting- I’m always looking for someone to help me with my animals. I pay $35.00 to $50.00 a night.
• Dog Washer- if someone had a service on a Saturday or anytime where I could just drop in and have my dos washed I would love it. All you need is water towels, dog shampoo and a location. I think if you charged $12.00 for a small dog, $16.00 for a medium, and $20.00 for a large dog, people would do it all day long.
• Car Detailing- with a few supplies and a knowledge of what is clean and what is not, you could wash, wax, clean vents, and vacuuming right at their homes
• Errand running- there are a lot of elderly people and people that are very business that need help, just running errands or helping around the house with odd jobs.
• Cleaning Service- if you have a sense of what is clean and what is not, this is a great business.
Most of the time the people buy the cleaning products and you just go clean.
• Tutoring- tutor a younger teen or child while going through summer school or with subjects they are having difficulty with. Parents love this one.
• Small business assistant- I used to always get teens to help me with different jobs for my business. They would come for 2 hours a day and I would have things like shredding, bookwork, cleaning, organizing inventory, so many things.
So, get a plan together, and start preparing now because summer is almost here. Get the supplies you need, how many hours it will take, how much you are going to charge, who are you going to call, make a flyer, post it, tell all of your parents friends, and ask if they know anyone that needs your help. I think working is a lot more fun, when you are your own boss, so go have some fun and make some money and let me know how it goes.
Sexting, sending nude photos of yourself to someone through your cell phone. What are teens thinking…or are they?
It seems with all of this great new technology comes and big responsibility to the parents to educate their teens on what the dangers might be. It’s not all fun and games.
These are photos that you can’t take back, once they leave your phone and go to another persons phone, they can do what they want with them. Here is another video from the Today Show regarding this topic.
It seems so harmless and fun for teens, until something like this happens. It’s easy to find information on this subject parents. Ask your teen what he or she thinks about sex-ting, and then get on the Internet and start doing some research. Teens might not even think about the consequences. Ask them what if you or someone you know sends a nude picture to your boyfriend, and you break up and he is not happy about the break-up. What is the risk there?
It always comes down to it being our responsibility to educate our kids, so we have to be a step ahead them, which is really hard. My suggestion is always keep an open line of communication with your teen, so that they will keep you informed about what is going on. Get on the Internet and do the research first when your kids are younger, twelve and below, so that you will know what is going on. Even though new issues pop up everyday.
