I found this great article by Alice Englin, Partners in Prevention. The following article was taken from the Shoulder to Shoulder Minnesota parenting booklet, which can be found in English and in Spanish at www.shouldertoshoulderminnesota.org.

Who are your teenagers hanging out with?

These articles on parenting are all part of an effort to protect our teens from the dangers of alcohol, tobacco and other drug use. There is not one magic way to make sure they always make good choices, but through effective parenting we are much more likely to help them make the good choices in tough situations.

Please visit this Web site for more information.

Get to know parents.

• Make a point to invite parents in for coffee and a chance to chat when they bring their teen to visit our homes. If you’re the driver, stick your head in the door and introduce yourself to the parents of your teens’ friends.

• Know the address and phone numbers of your teens’ friends. Keep this information in a handy place to make quick phone calls to check teens’ plans.

Get to know teens’ friends

• Introduce yourself to your teen’s friends — let them know your name and learn theirs as well.

• Take interest in them. We’re not going to get juicy information, but know the basics: Where do you go to school? Do you have brothers and sisters? Do you play sports? What do you enjoy doing outside of school?

• Help teens’ friends know the rules in your house. Whether it’s leaving shoes at the door or clearing the dishes from the table after you eat, find a way to clearly and politely communicate your expectations.

Concerned about a particular friend?

• Sometimes teens like to “try out” new friends who are very different from them. If you’re concerned there isn’t enough supervision or that the home of a friend is unsafe, invite the friend to your home.

Questions to ask when your teen goes to another family’s home

• Will there be an adult at home?

• Will the adult be nearby the teens?

• What does the parent know about their teens’ plans?

• Will they be going anywhere? If so, how will they get there? (Do you want an adult to drive or are you OK with the 16-year-old sister driving?)

• What time should I pick up my teen?

• How many teens are coming over? (Is this a raging party or just a few friends?)

• Will they be having a meal with you?

• What are your rules about media ratings and what kids are allowed to watch?

• Do you have alcohol in the house?

• What are your rules about use?

• Does anyone smoke in the house?

• What are your rules about smoking?

• Do you have guns in the home?

• Are they locked away with trigger locks?

Alice Englin is the director of the Freeborn County Partners in Prevention, working to reduce substance use and abuse among youth in Freeborn County.

Good points, aren’t they? I hope you liked it.  These are just a few simple things parents can do to stay connected to their teen.

teens-in-a-group

I have always been a big fan of having the kids at my house, so I can get to know them and their parents. I was always so surprised at how many parents wouldn’t have the desire to come in and meet me.  Get to know your friends parents.

I remember one of my youngest daughters, friends mother was using drugs herself.  It was a tough one for me because I didn’t want to exclude the friend, because she needed friends, but I had to set good boundaries like: your not allowed over her house, if you want to hang out, you do it at our house, no exceptions.

It’s okay to have rules and boundaries with your teens and your teens friends.  The more open you are with your expectations, the easier it will be for them to understand and follow them.

I think getting to know the parents is very important because you have a better change of guiding your teen when you have your teens friends parenting guiding the same way. It makes it easier to keep track of your teens when there is 2 families looking out for their well-being.  So, know their friends and know their parents, and of course know your own teen.

Happy Parenting, and let me know what you think.

It seems like a few times a week I have parents that talk me about different issues that are up for them with their tween or teen.  I got to thinking about this and thought it might be a good idea  to start a parenting group. First I am going to host a Parenting
Q & A, then depending on how the parents feel about that I will start a group. Now, for those of you that don’t live in Northern Arizona, you are probably thinking, great, how does this help me.

Well, my thoughts are that I will start a teleconference call for parents.  Parents can talk with other parents and I can be the host.  I can bring different parenting experts to the table to help as well.  My girls are 31 and 32 years old now, but when they were younger I would have loved a venue to talk with parenting experts and other parents. So, give me some time to put this together and I’ll keep you posted through my Blog and Newsletter.  For now, lets address a few questions that are up for parents, and quick, easy answers.

Parenting Q & A

• Q: Why is my teen not talking to me?  A: This is a the biggest issue for parents and one of the toughest for them to deal with.  Don’t take it personally, this is a time for pulling away and developing their own sense of who they are. Give them some space and keep the lines of communication open.  Let them know that you are here for them and love them.  Keep your opinions to yourself and just listen to them express and explore things.
• Q: My daughter has a boyfriend for the first time, I’m afraid she has no experience. A: She doesn’t, that is why you want to keep the lines of communication open with her. Talk to her about relationships, ask her what type of relationship she wants to create. What she is looking for in a boyfriend. Do the list with her, ask her to write down all the qualities she wants in a relationship. Maybe get a few of her friends together to do it as a group.
• Q: There seems to be a lot of drugs available to kids, how do I prevent my teen from using? A: You can’t be with your teen 24/7 so you had better educate them on the dangers of drug use. Get on the internet and do research together. Explore all drugs and what they look like, what the effects are, short and long term. If anyone is educated on the dangers of things, they are less likely to use them. Let your teens know that again you are available for them, and this isn’t too much for you to swallow, let them know that if anything every happens where they are drinking or in trouble, you will come get them. The teenage years are a time for exploration and they may do it, weather we tell them not to or not.  So, keep that door open for them to come to you because once you close it, it’s pretty hard to open it back up again.
• Q: My daughter is always talking about how fat she is, what can I do to help her love her body? A: Love yours, first of all. She is watching you and learning from you.  Watch what you say about your own body.  Explain to her that our bodies are vehicles that get us around, they don’t need to look perfect to do a good job. Also explain that the media isn’t real and not to buy into it. Then make sure you do your best to encourage her to be herself and the she is a unique, one of a kind girl and to let that uniqueness shine.

In a face to face forum or on the phone, we will have the opportunity to share more and to have more people bounce their ideas off of each other.  Most all answers to questions parents have come down to love them, hear them, communicate with them, educate them, and accept them for who they are.  If you ever have an issue come up think of these few things and see how they can apply.  Parenting isn’t easy, kids are a gift, they help us grow and we can help them grow. It is a wonderful relationship between 2 people, if you can allow it, and give it the room it needs to develop.

If you have any other questions that I can use in the forum, please send them to me. I have only touched on a few, I know there are many more out there. Happy Parenting!