I found this News Release about cigarette marketing campaign targeting teen girls from UC San Diego Medical Center, and thought it needed to be sent through to my audience.  After reading this I realized that it is really important to talk to your kids about smoking, not just one conversation, but many.  If you aren’t opening up the communication to discuss issues like this, your teens will be left to their own means to make decisions.  The media is very powerful, don’t under estimate it. Our teen listen to the TV, magazines, radio, and internet and it is influencing them to a large degree.

Self-Esteem is critical to teens doing what is good for them, not what others think they should be doing, including the media.

I am actually in the process of another blog about fashion and what a hold it has on our teens. It’s important to talk to our teens about issues and empower them to be able to make good decisions for themselves.  Let me know what you think…I’m pretty sure you don’t want your teenagers smoking.

Date: March 15, 2010 News Release from UC San Diego Medical Center

Recent Cigarette Marketing Campaign Targeted Teen Girls, Study Reveals

The 1998 Master Settlement Agreement (MSA) prohibits tobacco industry advertising practices that encourage underage teenagers to smoke, yet new research out of the Moores Cancer Center at the University of California, San Diego has found that a 2007 marketing campaign for Camel brand cigarettes was effective in encouraging young girls to start smoking.

The study, led by John P. Pierce, PhD, professor of Family and Preventive Medicine and director of the Cancer Center’s Cancer Prevention and Control Program, will be published March 15 in an early online edition of the scientific journal Pediatrics.

The research, part of a national study on parenting practices, involved 1,036 males and females who were 10 to 13 years old when enrolled onto the study. Between 2003 and 2008, scientists conducted five telephone interviews, which included questions about smoking. The fifth interview was conducted after the start of RJ Reynolds’ “Camel No. 9″ advertising campaign in 2007.

Consistent with earlier research, the new study showed that youth who had never smoked but who reported having a “favorite” cigarette ad at the beginning were 50 percent more likely to initiate smoking. The number of boys with a favorite ad was stable across all five surveys. For girls, however, it was stable across the first four surveys, but by the fifth survey, which took place after the start of the Camel No. 9 campaign, the proportion of girls who reported a favorite ad jumped by 10 percentage points, to 44 percent. The Camel brand accounted almost entirely for this increase.

“In 1998, the Tobacco Industry signed an agreement with State Attorneys General which included a commitment not to target adolescents with advertising.  Congressional leaders and others have complained to RJ Reynolds that the Camel #9 campaign violated that agreement,” said Pierce. “This national study demonstrated that the Camel No. 9 campaign had a huge impact on young adolescent girls across the country, effectively encouraging them to smoke.”

The Camel No. 9 marketing campaign included ads resembling fashion spreads that were placed in five of the top 10 U.S. teen readership magazines, such as Glamour and Vogue. The campaign also featured promotional giveaways such as berry lip balm, cell phone jewelry, purses and wristbands.

Co-authors on the paper are Karen Messer, PhD, Lisa E. James, Martha M. White, MS and Sheila Kealey, MPH, all of the Moores UCSD Cancer Center; and Donna M. Vallone, PhD, MPH, and Cheryl G. Healton, DrPH, both of the American Legacy Foundation, Washington, D.C. This study was funded by the National Cancer Institute, the American Legacy Foundation, and the Tobacco Related Disease Research Program of the University of California.

Have you ever been in an argument with your teen, and when it was over, you felt completely beaten down? You may have felt weak, tired or anxious. You might even have had physical symptoms of pain, such as a stomachache.

At times like this, the conversation seems more like a boxing match. After only three rounds, you feel like you’re about to drop. Then comes round four.  Your teen says, “Come on, Mom, you’re so old fashioned.”  At round five it’s: “Everyone else is going.” Then comes round six: “Angie’s mom is so cool. Why can’t you be like her?” followed by round seven: “I hate you! I can’t wait to get out of here!” That’s the knockout punch. The conversation is over.

How do you stop an argument with your teen from spinning out of control? No matter what the issue, it seems that you wind up in the same place, over and over.  It’s a no-win scenario, leaving both parties near death. No one feels good when the battle is over, even if one party gets his or her way.

I believe there are two points of view that will solve this dilemma. First, both parties have a right to their opinion, and second, both parties have a right to have boundaries. If both of these issues are honored, then the discussion will play out quite differently.

Let’s take a closer look at the first point: both parties have a right to their opinion. This perspective requires stepping into the other person’s reality and taking a look at the situation from their point of view before reacting. It is trying to develop compassion by understanding what the other person is going through. Stepping into their teenager’s shoes is particularly hard for parents to do because they feel that they know better. And maybe they do. But teens learn from their own experiences, not from what their parents have learned.

This does not mean that teens should be allowed to do whatever they want. It means that they should be allowed to express themselves and to explore the options.

A good strategy for you as a parent is to ask your teen a lot of questions about the issue, request or situation. It helps to understand why your teen is wanting what he or she wants. Then the two of you can look at the pros and cons of the choices. What this approach does is to turn a potential argument into a discussion.

If a battle breaks out anyway and you find yourself in what I call a “spinning class”—going nowhere fast—and your teen is throwing one punch after another, it’s time to move into “setting boundaries.” It’s time to stop engaging. Set a boundary and do not discuss the topic anymore.  Change the subject, ignore the comments and walk away.

It’s hard to simply walk away when someone is yelling mean things at you. But if there is no one to engage in an argument, the battle stops. First, you must be calm. Then set the boundary. You might say, “I am not going to discuss this with you anymore. This is what it is, and the discussion is over.” Then do not discuss it anymore, do not justify your position. When you get into explaining your decision, you open it back up for discussion. Parents tend to want to justify themselves because they don’t want to feel bad about their teen not liking them.  You have to be okay with your teen not always liking you.

So first put yourselves in your teen’s shoes to truly understand his or her point of view and so that your teen will feel heard. If the conversation still goes sour, set a boundary.  Your teen will more willingly adhere to your rules after feeling heard.  Although your relationship with your teen might get worse before it gets better, eventually it will shift.  And when it does, it will be a win-win situation.  You just have to be the first one to get out of the rink.

Let me know how this works for you, I have had a lot of success with it in my mentoring.

Hey Teens, summer is just around the corner and for those of you that are going to enter the wonderful world of working for a living (or maybe just working for next years school clothes and having fun). Here are some job ideas.  I did a blog last year regarding summer jobs for teens.  I am big advocate of entrepreneurialship, working for yourself.  There are so many ways to create jobs for yourself, and make more money, I’m not quite sure why you would work for someone else.

It is also going to be tougher this year to get a job, because of the current economic situation we are in. Those jobs that teens usually go for during the summer might well be taken by someone else that has lost his job.  So that’s what makes creating your own job even more appealing.

When I look at the typical job for teens today like fast food restaurant, I think there must be a better way.

Besides working with Teen’s and being an author, I have owned a few businesses. I love being my own boss, because I get to do things my way, it’s a great learning experience and best of all my hard work pay off, goes to me.  Of course you may have some small start up costs, and costs of doing business, but then the rest is yours.

So here are some great business ideas for teens:

•    Web Consultant- most teens I know have a way with computers and most adults I know struggle with it. Help them set up and manage Social Networking Sites (My Space, etc.
•    Nanny- if you like kids and your good with them, kids are out of school during the    summer, but parents still have to work.
•    Dog Walker or Pet sitting- I’m always looking for someone to help me with my animals. I pay $35.00 to $50.00 a night.

•    Dog Washer- if someone had a service on a Saturday or anytime where I could just drop in and have my dos washed I would love it.  All you need is water towels, dog shampoo and a location. I think if you charged $12.00 for a small dog, $16.00 for a medium, and $20.00 for a large dog, people would do it all day long.

• Car Detailing- with a few supplies and a knowledge of what is clean and what is not, you could wash, wax, clean vents, and vacuuming right at their homes
• Errand running- there are a lot of elderly people and people that are very business that need help, just running errands or helping around the house with odd jobs.
• Cleaning Service- if you have a sense of what is clean and what is not, this is a great business.
Most of the time the people buy the cleaning products and you just go clean.
• Tutoring- tutor a younger teen or child while going through summer school or with subjects they are having difficulty with. Parents love this one.
• Small business assistant- I used to always get teens to help me with different jobs for my business. They would come for 2 hours a day and I would have things like shredding, bookwork, cleaning, organizing inventory, so many things.

So, get a  plan together, and start preparing now because summer is almost here. Get the  supplies you need, how many hours it will take, how much you are going to charge, who are you going to call, make a flyer, post it, tell all of your parents friends, and ask if they know anyone that needs your help.  I think working is a lot more fun, when you are your own boss, so go have some fun and make some money and let me know how it goes.

This is such a tough time for parents, even if you understand what is going on, it can be heartbreaking.

Usually around 12-15 years old depending on the teen, he or she will start pulling away from parents, this is a normal, healthy stage in adolescent development. The teen will pull away from parents as he or she attempts to develop their own identity. It is a natural process for the preparation of leaving the nest.  

I remember my oldest daughter and I were very close, we spend a lot of time together, and we talked about everything. When she was 13 years old, she started spending more time in her bedroom on the phone, more time with friends and most all communication was off with me.  I used to go open her bedroom door and say “have you seen my daughter Amber anywhere? She would just say “Mom”, and roll her eyes, and I would laugh and say “if you see her tell her hi” and I would shut the door.

I didn’t try to make her talk to me, or make her hang out with me, and I tried not to take it personally, although I missed her terribly. I remember she started coming back to me about 10 months to a year later.

The more you communicate with your kids when they are younger, the easier these times will be. The pulling away won’t be as extreme, and it might not last as long.  If you wait until your child is 12 years old to start communicating with them, I can almost guarantee they are not going to want to talk to you much at all.

You also want to make sure that this is just normal pulling away, not something more.  If pulling away is accompanied with yelling, anger, tantrums, erratic moodiness, hostility, and depression, bad grades, and isolation even with friends, there is probably something bigger going on.

Here are some quick tips to make those times easier:

•    Don’t take it personally, have fun with it.
•    Try talking to your teen about the things he or she is interested in.
•    Do family thing on the weekday nights, better chance of participation.
•    Understand that this is a time when they need more space, more time with friends and a bit more freedom.
•    Pay attention and make sure it’s not something more serious.
•    Let them know you understand that it is okay, and that you are available if they need you.

Remember that they come back to you, so try not to pressure them to much during this time so they don’t shut down and never want to come back.  That is the good new this is temporary.

I would love to hear how you are handling this issue with your teen.

I made a new friend on Twitter, she is a Step Coach, Claudette Chenevert and it got me thinking about this subject.  I was divorced when my girls were 4 and 5 year old, so I have experienced other people involved in helping me raise my girls.  What I have noticed is that the man in my life who did not pretend to be their father, and just build their own relationship with my kids seems to work the best.  They needed to develop a strong relationship with my girls aside from me.  They needed to be interested in them as much as they were interested in me.  They needed to want to be a father if they weren’t already.

I was involved with a boyfriend when I was first divorced that had difficulties getting my daughters to like him because he was a bit uptight, expected a lot from them and he was jealous of time I spend with my girls.  At that point in my life, being young, I wondered if I would ever find a new partner that fit with my girls.  I always thought that if someone would just love them unconditionally and develop their own relationship with them things could be good.  I believe if the step parent does a good job developing a relationship with the kids, it makes discipline easier.

I now find myself in a relationship with a man that has two 14 years old twins and I’m in the step position for the first time in my life. So, I tried it out: loving them unconditionally as if they were my own, developing my own relationship with them aside from my boyfriend, and I have even have many conversations with them about certain behaviors that aren’t appropriate, sorta of like discipline.  I also view discipline differently than I did when I was younger.  I used to just lay the law, now I have discussions about issues and get their point of view and see if we as a team we can come up with better way of doing things.  It feels good and I enjoy them and they enjoy me, they also respect and listen to me.  When my boyfriend and I are doing different thing a part form each other and the boys have the choice of who to go with, most often they split and one goes with him and the other wants to go with me, and it could be different ones each time.

I think that step parenting is tricky, and it can depend on all the adults in the party being mature, which sometimes isn’t the case.  I know, I always go back to this but communication is the key. Both side need to communicate maturely.  If one parent is speaking poorly of the step parent, this makes it hard for that step parent to build a relationship with the kids.  So maturity is so important here.

When I was a single parent I used to think it seemed easy, just love them.  I know it’s not that simple, but I also know that if you remove your ego it can be easier.  Just put the best interest of the kids first and leave your stuff out of it and love them like they are your own, because are all children our responsibility on some level?

First of all lets talk about what fighting means.  Is it fist fighting, screaming and cursing, name calling, acting like a baby and pouting and giving your partner the silent treatment?  Yes, this is fighting to me, and if you are doing this in front of your children, you are a child yourself and you should look into taking some classes on becoming an adult fast.

Our children learn about a lot of things from us without us even trying to teach them, they learn through watching us.  Communicating with others is a very important skill that we need as adults.  We need it in the work place, with our friends, our partners, our children, out there in the world in general, we need the tools to resolve issues.  Nothing gets resolved through fighting, it’s nothing more than a fight, that leaves both parties bruised and battered.  To help our kids develop good tools to resolve issues they need to see people in their lives doing it and explaining how it is done.  If you and your partner have an issue to resolve, it’s okay to resolve the issue in front of your kids as long as that is what is happening.  When the discussion is over, the issue is resolved, and no one is beaten up.