In our attempt to be connected with our kids, friends, co-workers or family, do cell phones disconnected us to the person right next to us?

How many times have you seen a group of people together  but not really together because they are all on their cell phones talking to someone else. Look around you and check out how many people are talking on their cell phones.  Everyone has a cell phone and every parent thinks their teen should have one. How did we get by without them?

Cell phones are great for emergencies, work and contacted people to get together. Where I think cell phones are destructive is when we are constantly on them just visiting, when we should be face-to-face visiting instead. How personal is it to be visiting with someone on the phone, and how personal is it to be with someone, talking on the phone with someone else.

How is this affecting our social skills and how is affecting our relationship with our teens?  Our communication shows up differently when we are texting, e-mailing or talking on the phone. We aren’t as present as we are when we are face-to-face.

It is affecting our relationship with ours teens because we can’t be present with them because either they are on the phone or we are answering our phone.  Right in the middle of a conversation, someones phone rings and takes us away from who we are with.  Besides it is extremely rude, it makes having a close relationship with someone impossible.

It is also affecting relationships between our teens and their friends. It’s hard to have a close relationship with someone who isn’t present with you. If they are on the phone when they are with you, how do you feel?

So, it’s safe to say that we aren’t going to throw away our cell phones. Maybe we can just have some boundaries around them.  Here are a few tips.

1)  Spend quality time with your teens without your cell phones
2)  If your cell phone rings while your teen is talking to you, ignore it
3)  Encourage your teens to spend more time face-to-face with their friends
4)  Leave your cell phone at home when you go out as a family
5)  Talk to your teens about the social deadness that cell phones have on us
6)  Set boundaries on time allowed talking on the cell phones to friends
7)  No cell phones at the dinner table, including parents

Get back to the basics of parenting, communicating, sharing and loving being with your kids, they won’t be around forever.

If I don’t talk to you before Thanksgiving, have a wonderful day with your friends and family and be grateful that you have them.  There are people in the world who will be all alone, with no one to break bread with.
With love and gratitude,
Debra

After writing my blog on Friday about the Random Acts of Kindness, this website called We The World, A United World posted my blog on the Clothing exchange. That was a nice surprise but more importantly it’s an amazing website about passing it forward.  As I was scrolling through I came upon this list of 100 ways for teens to make a difference in your community.

Through service, teens can be active agents of positive change in their communities. But figuring out how to get started in service can be intimidating for teens. The reactions can range from thinking there’s nothing productive to be done, to being overwhelmed with all the possibilities.

Involving the teens in creating a list of service activities, small and large, can help put the possibilities into the proper perspective. The following list, created by Youth Service America, can be a starting point for teens to create lists relevant to their own community’s needs.

100 Ways To Make A Difference In Your Community

Nothing makes me feel as good as I feel when I participate in a random act of kindness, or any act of kindness for that matter.  Last night I was preparing for a clothing exchange with about 15 girls. There was this black sweat pant outfit with a jacket with beautiful embroidery on both that a friend had given to me, that I was contemplating taking it to exchange.  The sweat suit was a little to small for me, but I was crazy about it. This wasn’t your typical sweatsuit by the way, the embroidery was fantastic.  I kept trying it on, thinking that I would wear it someday.  So, as I was looking through my closet, picking the clothes to take, there the sweatsuit is staring at me, and I have to make a decision.  After long deliberation, I put it in my pile to take.

I just loved this story and thought it was important to pass it on, I hope you feel it too.

What would you do?….you make the choice. Don’t look for a punch line, there isn’t one. Read it anyway. My question is: Would you have made the same choice?

At a fund raising dinner for a school that serves children with learning disabilities, the father of one of the students delivered a speech that would never be forgotten by all who attended. After extolling the school and its dedicated staff, he offered a question:

“When not interfered with by outside influences, everything nature does, is done with perfection.

Yet my son, Shay, cannot learn things as other children do. He cannot understand things as other children do.

Where is the natural order of things in my son?”

The audience was stilled by the query.

The father continued. “I believe that when a child like Shay, who was mentally and physically disabled comes into the world, an opportunity to realize true human nature presents itself, and it comes in the way other people treat that child.”

Then he told the following story:

Shay and I had walked past a park where some boys Shay knew were playing baseball. Shay asked, “Do you think they’ll let me play?” I knew that most of the boys would not want someone like Shay on their team, but as a father I also understood that if my son were allowed to play, it would give him a much-needed sense of belonging and some confidence to be accepted by others in spite of his handicaps.

I approached one of the boys on the field and asked (not expecting much) if Shay could play. The boy looked around for guidance and said, “We’re losing by six runs and the game is in the eighth inning. I guess he can be on our team and we’ll try to put him in to bat in the ninth inning.”

Shay struggled over to the team’s bench and, with a broad smile, put on a team shirt. I watched with a small tear in my eye and warmth in my heart. The boys saw my joy at my son being accepted.

In the bottom of the eighth inning, Shay’s team scored a few runs but was still behind by three.

In the top of the ninth inning, Shay put on a glove and played in the right field. Even though no hits came his way, he was obviously ecstatic just to be in the game and on the field, grinning from ear to ear as I waved to him from the stands.

In the bottom of the ninth inning, Shay’s team scored again.

Now, with two outs and the bases loaded, the potential winning run was on base and Shay was scheduled to be next at bat.

At this juncture, do they let Shay bat and give away their chance to win the game?

Surprisingly, Shay was given the bat. Everyone knew that a hit was all but impossible because Shay didn’t even know how to hold the bat properly, much less connect with the ball.

However, as Shay stepped up to the plate, the pitcher, recognizing that the other team was putting winning aside for this moment in Shay’s life, moved in a few steps to lob the ball in softly so Shay could at least make contact.

The first pitch came and Shay swung clumsily and missed.

The pitcher again took a few steps forward to toss the ball softly towards Shay.

As the pitch came in, Shay swung at the ball and hit a slow ground ball right back to the pitcher.

The game would now be over.

The pitcher picked up the soft grounder and could have easily thrown the ball to the first baseman.

Shay would have been out and that would have been the end of the game.

Instead, the pitcher threw the ball right over the first baseman’s head, out of reach of all team mates.

Everyone from the stands and both teams started yelling, ‘

“Shay, run to first!

Run to first!”

Never in his life had Shay ever run that far, but he made it to first base.

He scampered down the baseline, wide-eyed and startled.

Everyone yelled, “Run to second, run to second!”

Catching his breath, Shay awkwardly ran towards second, gleaming and struggling to make it to the base.

By the time Shay rounded towards second base, the right fielder had the ball… the smallest guy on their team who now had his first chance to be the hero for his team.

He could have thrown the ball to the second-baseman for the tag, but he understood the pitcher’s intentions so he, too, intentionally threw the ball high and far over the third-baseman’s head.

Shay ran toward third base deliriously as the runners ahead of him circled the bases toward home.

All were screaming, “Shay, Shay, Shay, all the Way Shay”

Shay reached third base because the opposing shortstop ran to help him by turning him in the direction of third base, and shouted, “Run to third!

Shay, run to third!”

As Shay rounded third, the boys from both teams, and the spectators, were on their feet screaming, “Shay, run home! Run home!”

Shay ran to home, stepped on the plate, and was cheered as the hero who hit the grand slam and won the game for his team.

“That day”, said the father softly with tears now rolling down his face, “the boys from both teams helped bring a piece of true love and humanity into this world.”

Shay didn’t make it to another summer. He died that winter, having never forgotten being the hero and making me so happy, and coming home and seeing his Mother tearfully embrace her little hero of the day!

AND NOW A LITTLE FOOT NOTE TO THIS STORY:

We all send thousands of jokes through the e-mail without a second thought, but when it comes to sending messages about life choices, people hesitate.

The crude, vulgar, and often obscene pass freely through cyberspace, but public discussion about decency is too often suppressed in our schools and workplaces.

If you’re thinking about forwarding this message, chances are that you’re probably sorting out the people in your address book who aren’t the ‘appropriate’ ones to receive this type of message. Well, the person who sent you this believes that we all can make a difference.

We all have dozens of opportunities every single day to help realize the natural order of things.

So many seemingly trivial interactions between two people present us with a choice:

Do we pass along a little spark of love and humanity or do we pass up those opportunities and leave the world a little bit colder in the process?

A wise man once said every society is judged by how it treats it’s least fortunate amongst them.

This story makes my heart swell with love and I hope it does yours too.

I made a new friend on Twitter, she is a Step Coach, Claudette Chenevert and it got me thinking about this subject.  I was divorced when my girls were 4 and 5 year old, so I have experienced other people involved in helping me raise my girls.  What I have noticed is that the man in my life who did not pretend to be their father, and just build their own relationship with my kids seems to work the best.  They needed to develop a strong relationship with my girls aside from me.  They needed to be interested in them as much as they were interested in me.  They needed to want to be a father if they weren’t already.

I was involved with a boyfriend when I was first divorced that had difficulties getting my daughters to like him because he was a bit uptight, expected a lot from them and he was jealous of time I spend with my girls.  At that point in my life, being young, I wondered if I would ever find a new partner that fit with my girls.  I always thought that if someone would just love them unconditionally and develop their own relationship with them things could be good.  I believe if the step parent does a good job developing a relationship with the kids, it makes discipline easier.

I now find myself in a relationship with a man that has two 14 years old twins and I’m in the step position for the first time in my life. So, I tried it out: loving them unconditionally as if they were my own, developing my own relationship with them aside from my boyfriend, and I have even have many conversations with them about certain behaviors that aren’t appropriate, sorta of like discipline.  I also view discipline differently than I did when I was younger.  I used to just lay the law, now I have discussions about issues and get their point of view and see if we as a team we can come up with better way of doing things.  It feels good and I enjoy them and they enjoy me, they also respect and listen to me.  When my boyfriend and I are doing different thing a part form each other and the boys have the choice of who to go with, most often they split and one goes with him and the other wants to go with me, and it could be different ones each time.

I think that step parenting is tricky, and it can depend on all the adults in the party being mature, which sometimes isn’t the case.  I know, I always go back to this but communication is the key. Both side need to communicate maturely.  If one parent is speaking poorly of the step parent, this makes it hard for that step parent to build a relationship with the kids.  So maturity is so important here.

When I was a single parent I used to think it seemed easy, just love them.  I know it’s not that simple, but I also know that if you remove your ego it can be easier.  Just put the best interest of the kids first and leave your stuff out of it and love them like they are your own, because are all children our responsibility on some level?