Before giving the quick tips for self-esteem, lets talk about what self-esteem is. The Webster’s dictionary says;
Self-Esteem- The esteem or good opinion of oneself.
Now lets look at what esteem is;
Esteem- To set valve on, to regard with respect.
Wow, the opinion of oneself, not the opinion of others…beautiful! Then to set valve on, again our value of our self. If we don’t value our self, we won’t treat our self with respect, therefore our opinion of our self will be low. If our opinion is low, our self-respect will be low, and guess what our self-esteem will suffer.
If we have low self-esteem, we will make decisions from a place of lacking confidence. If our self-esteem is high, we make better decisions for our self. We want to value who we are, love who we are, and make good decisions for our self to reinforce our self worth, thereby strengthening our self-esteem. So now that we know what self-esteem is and how important it is, we can implement these tips to strengthen these parts of our self that are critical to being the person we want to be. So, here they are.
Quick Tips to Self-Esteem
1. Learn to like yourself, make sure that you have the qualities that the people you like have, like caring, honesty, supportive, positive, loyal and communicative.
2. Work on removing the things you dislike about yourself by changing your actions, attitudes or perceptions about those things.
3. Realize what makes you shine comes for the inside of you, not what you look like.
4. Make sure you are being good to yourself by taking care of yourself with positive self-talk, negative self-talk lowers your self-esteem and your light.
5. Practice doing good things for yourself by eating right, exercising, being creative, getting enough sleep, and keeping stress to a minimum.
6. Enjoy being you, you are the only you in the world.
7. Realize we play a big role in the world and we get to pick if we affect it negatively or positively.
So, go out into the world with yourself being the unique, powerful, wonderful being that you are knowing that you have complete control over your behavior and actions.
I Hope this helps, we all need a little boost to remember how to love our self. Let me know some of the things you do to help yourself strengthen your self-esteem.
I found this great article by Alice Englin, Partners in Prevention. The following article was taken from the Shoulder to Shoulder Minnesota parenting booklet, which can be found in English and in Spanish at www.shouldertoshoulderminnesota.org.
Who are your teenagers hanging out with?
These articles on parenting are all part of an effort to protect our teens from the dangers of alcohol, tobacco and other drug use. There is not one magic way to make sure they always make good choices, but through effective parenting we are much more likely to help them make the good choices in tough situations.
Please visit this Web site for more information.
Get to know parents.
• Make a point to invite parents in for coffee and a chance to chat when they bring their teen to visit our homes. If you’re the driver, stick your head in the door and introduce yourself to the parents of your teens’ friends.
• Know the address and phone numbers of your teens’ friends. Keep this information in a handy place to make quick phone calls to check teens’ plans.
Get to know teens’ friends
• Introduce yourself to your teen’s friends — let them know your name and learn theirs as well.
• Take interest in them. We’re not going to get juicy information, but know the basics: Where do you go to school? Do you have brothers and sisters? Do you play sports? What do you enjoy doing outside of school?
• Help teens’ friends know the rules in your house. Whether it’s leaving shoes at the door or clearing the dishes from the table after you eat, find a way to clearly and politely communicate your expectations.
Concerned about a particular friend?
• Sometimes teens like to “try out” new friends who are very different from them. If you’re concerned there isn’t enough supervision or that the home of a friend is unsafe, invite the friend to your home.
Questions to ask when your teen goes to another family’s home
• Will there be an adult at home?
• Will the adult be nearby the teens?
• What does the parent know about their teens’ plans?
• Will they be going anywhere? If so, how will they get there? (Do you want an adult to drive or are you OK with the 16-year-old sister driving?)
• What time should I pick up my teen?
• How many teens are coming over? (Is this a raging party or just a few friends?)
• Will they be having a meal with you?
• What are your rules about media ratings and what kids are allowed to watch?
• Do you have alcohol in the house?
• What are your rules about use?
• Does anyone smoke in the house?
• What are your rules about smoking?
• Do you have guns in the home?
• Are they locked away with trigger locks?
Alice Englin is the director of the Freeborn County Partners in Prevention, working to reduce substance use and abuse among youth in Freeborn County.
Good points, aren’t they? I hope you liked it. These are just a few simple things parents can do to stay connected to their teen.
teens-in-a-group
I have always been a big fan of having the kids at my house, so I can get to know them and their parents. I was always so surprised at how many parents wouldn’t have the desire to come in and meet me. Get to know your friends parents.
I remember one of my youngest daughters, friends mother was using drugs herself. It was a tough one for me because I didn’t want to exclude the friend, because she needed friends, but I had to set good boundaries like: your not allowed over her house, if you want to hang out, you do it at our house, no exceptions.
It’s okay to have rules and boundaries with your teens and your teens friends. The more open you are with your expectations, the easier it will be for them to understand and follow them.
I think getting to know the parents is very important because you have a better change of guiding your teen when you have your teens friends parenting guiding the same way. It makes it easier to keep track of your teens when there is 2 families looking out for their well-being. So, know their friends and know their parents, and of course know your own teen.
I’m always finding great information on the Web and here is something I found from another great parenting site The Blog of P.U.R.E. by Sue Scheff. We are all working together to give parents and teens the tools they need to live a healthier happier life.
The site is BodiMojo, a site that promotes Health/Nutrition/Fitness for teens. Developed by teens themselves and experts. BodiMojo believes the future of health resides within our ability to provide behavioral motivation and incentives in an increasingly mobile and consumer-oriented world.
Health can be fun, and it can be habit forming.
Teens told us what they want and we listened. Watch us play: BodiMojo will include music, interactive tools, games, videos, community building, contest, original content, social networking modules, and customized user pages for teens. And plug us in-BodiMojo will also offer users new technology for fitness tracking and mobile motivation.
The BodiMojo philosophy is simple: Health can be cool
Nutritional experts, health professionals, and fitness gurus - along with our teens participants - will develop articles, information, graphics, videos, newsletters, interactive features and more.
The current site provides information and updates on the development of the full BodiMojo Web site as well as receive original content submissions form teens. Keep an eye on BodiMojo and our upcoming Virtual User’s Group, Blog, Contests and News. BodiMojo will launch in 2009.
…a body in motion tends to stay in motion.
BodiMojo will also be partnering with game developers, musicians, technologists, producers, athletes, writers, artists and business people interested in participating in BodiMojo’s mission. Contact us at partners@bodimojo.com.
Let me know what you think of the site, I thinks it’s going to be a great way for teens to be fit and healthy.
This is a question to be answered for all ages. It’s not just a teen problem, it seems to be a problem with women of all ages. When we have low self-esteem, we seem to hang on to those bad relationships a bit to long. It’s even a problem with guys! I was just talking to a guy friend of mine and he hasn’t been in a relationship for quite a while and his old girlfriend contacted him and he is considering going back into a dysfunctional relationship because he is lonely.
Weather you are 15-years-old or 40-years-old, male or female, the question of the hour is: when is it time to dump a bad relationship? My immediate answer would be now, but maybe there is a lesson in here for you, and we also have to judge how bad is the relationship. If the relationship is really bad, he is abusing you verbally or physical, NOW is the answer. Find support and get out, and start doing your work around your sense of self. We always know where we are in our lives by looking at the relationships we allow in. We never want to stay in relationships that are potentially dangerous.
They are so many level of abuse, and we don’t want to over look what seems to be something small like a little cut down. We have to get finite with how we allow people to treat us. If a boyfriend is criticizing us about anything, our hair, our body, our personality, they way we do things, they way we say, things this is a red flag. Constructive criticism looks different and feels different as well. If someone is saying something to help you, you usually won’t contract and feel hurt. They way you know the difference is to see how you feel after. Are you upset and hurt, or maybe your just saying “Wow, you have a good point there”.
If your body contracts, and you have feelings of anger, hurt, sadness, or fear it’s a good indicator that something is off and you need to look deeply into the relationship you are having. When we stay in relationships that are abusive, it’s because we don’t feel good about ourselves. If we felt good about ourselves, it would be easy to say “No Thank You”.
Now, what if your boyfriend apologizes? Well, lets look at this. If he comes to you with real sorrow and he understands what he has done and is working on himself to not do it again, then give him another shot. But if apologizing becomes his way of being in the relationship, meaning every time he does something wrong, he knows all he has to do is apologize and everything is okay, then forget it. We want to build healthy relationships in our life because when we let people in our lives that don’t treat us good, it damages our self esteem even more. The more we say No to things that aren’t good for us, the more empowered we become. The more empowered we become, the more we say No. The easier it is to say No. It’s the power circle I talk about in my book.
So, start paying attention to those relationships in your life, are they healthy, are they good for you? If you had a child would you want them to be in those relationship? That’s always a good question to ask. If not, it’s time to walk away. Walking away from things or people that aren’t good for us develops our self esteem.
Is it time to dump your boyfriends, maybe, maybe not. Maybe you have a daughter that needs help with this decision, I hope this helps, let me know.
Integrity is having an uprightness of character or action. It implies trustworthiness.
We know our code of honor; we know when we show a lack of integrity–in other words, when we are not trustworthy.
Do we like people who don’t have Integrity? When our friends lie to us, do we think it is okay? This seems like a very basic quality we should learn when we are younger, but somehow it misses the boat.
It is very important to develop integrity within oneself. When we lie, cheat, steal or deceive, we hurt ourselves. We damage our self esteem. We never want to do something that makes us view our self as someone without integrity. How can we like people who lack integrity? You, yourself, don’t like those kinds of people, so make sure that you aren’t one. Everything always comes down to liking yourself, so you can love yourself, so you can have confidence and be happy.
People treat us differently when they can not trust us. They don’t open up to us, therefore we prevent close relationships from happening in our lives. People are afraid of sharing personal information with us, so this only allows a very shallow friendship.
It is so much nicer to be able to have close relationships that we can share our dreams, our upsets and our fears with, knowing that they will honor us, by keeping that information to themselves and not sharing or gossiping with others about it.
If we want friendship with people that have integrity, we have to have integrity, that is just the way the world works. If you lie to your friends, they will never believe your words, again it will be impossible to trust you, therefore limiting your
relationship.
If we are doing things that hurt other people, and yes lying, cheating, and being dishonest indeed hurts others, and guess what, it hurts us too. When we are people we don’t like, it damages our self esteem. We become people we don’t like and if we are people we don’t like, our sense of self suffers.
When we have low self esteem, we tend to make everyday decisions in our life through that space instead of a confident place. Can you see how that could affect our life? Because the decisions we make, create the life we live. So, if we are out there making bad decisions, how do you think our life will look? Take a moment and think about it.
It’s safe to say that having Integrity is important, it is a part of who you are. So, in looking at who you are or who you want to be, think about: do you have integrity?
Have you ever been in an argument with your teen, and when it was over, you felt completely beaten down? You may have felt weak, tired or anxious. You might even have had physical symptoms of pain, such as a stomachache.
At times like this, the conversation seems more like a boxing match. After only three rounds, you feel like you’re about to drop. Then comes round four. Your teen says, “Come on, Mom, you’re so old fashioned.” At round five it’s: “Everyone else is going.” Then comes round six: “Angie’s mom is so cool. Why can’t you be like her?” followed by round seven: “I hate you! I can’t wait to get out of here!” That’s the knockout punch. The conversation is over.
How do you stop an argument with your teen from spinning out of control? No matter what the issue, it seems that you wind up in the same place, over and over. It’s a no-win scenario, leaving both parties near death. No one feels good when the battle is over, even if one party gets his or her way.
I believe there are two points of view that will solve this dilemma. First, both parties have a right to their opinion, and second, both parties have a right to have boundaries. If both of these issues are honored, then the discussion will play out quite differently.
Let’s take a closer look at the first point: both parties have a right to their opinion. This perspective requires stepping into the other person’s reality and taking a look at the situation from their point of view before reacting. It is trying to develop compassion by understanding what the other person is going through. Stepping into their teenager’s shoes is particularly hard for parents to do because they feel that they know better. And maybe they do. But teens learn from their own experiences, not from what their parents have learned.
This does not mean that teens should be allowed to do whatever they want. It means that they should be allowed to express themselves and to explore the options.
A good strategy for you as a parent is to ask your teen a lot of questions about the issue, request or situation. It helps to understand why your teen is wanting what he or she wants. Then the two of you can look at the pros and cons of the choices. What this approach does is to turn a potential argument into a discussion.
If a battle breaks out anyway and you find yourself in what I call a “spinning class”—going nowhere fast—and your teen is throwing one punch after another, it’s time to move into “setting boundaries.” It’s time to stop engaging. Set a boundary and do not discuss the topic anymore. Change the subject, ignore the comments and walk away.
It’s hard to simply walk away when someone is yelling mean things at you. But if there is no one to engage in an argument, the battle stops. First, you must be calm. Then set the boundary. You might say, “I am not going to discuss this with you anymore. This is what it is, and the discussion is over.” Then do not discuss it anymore, do not justify your position. When you get into explaining your decision, you open it back up for discussion. Parents tend to want to justify themselves because they don’t want to feel bad about their teen not liking them. You have to be okay with your teen not always liking you.
So first put yourselves in your teen’s shoes to truly understand his or her point of view and so that your teen will feel heard. If the conversation still goes sour, set a boundary. Your teen will more willingly adhere to your rules after feeling heard. Although your relationship with your teen might get worse before it gets better, eventually it will shift. And when it does, it will be a win-win situation. You just have to be the first one to get out of the rink.
Let me know how this works for you, I have had a lot of success with it in my mentoring.
Hey Teens, summer is just around the corner and for those of you that are going to enter the wonderful world of working for a living (or maybe just working for next years school clothes and having fun). Here are some job ideas. I did a blog last year regarding summer jobs for teens. I am big advocate of entrepreneurialship, working for yourself. There are so many ways to create jobs for yourself, and make more money, I’m not quite sure why you would work for someone else.
It is also going to be tougher this year to get a job, because of the current economic situation we are in. Those jobs that teens usually go for during the summer might well be taken by someone else that has lost his job. So that’s what makes creating your own job even more appealing.
When I look at the typical job for teens today like fast food restaurant, I think there must be a better way.
Besides working with Teen’s and being an author, I have owned a few businesses. I love being my own boss, because I get to do things my way, it’s a great learning experience and best of all my hard work pay off, goes to me. Of course you may have some small start up costs, and costs of doing business, but then the rest is yours.
So here are some great business ideas for teens:
• Web Consultant- most teens I know have a way with computers and most adults I know struggle with it. Help them set up and manage Social Networking Sites (My Space, etc.
• Nanny- if you like kids and your good with them, kids are out of school during the summer, but parents still have to work.
• Dog Walker or Pet sitting- I’m always looking for someone to help me with my animals. I pay $35.00 to $50.00 a night.
• Dog Washer- if someone had a service on a Saturday or anytime where I could just drop in and have my dos washed I would love it. All you need is water towels, dog shampoo and a location. I think if you charged $12.00 for a small dog, $16.00 for a medium, and $20.00 for a large dog, people would do it all day long.
• Car Detailing- with a few supplies and a knowledge of what is clean and what is not, you could wash, wax, clean vents, and vacuuming right at their homes
• Errand running- there are a lot of elderly people and people that are very business that need help, just running errands or helping around the house with odd jobs.
• Cleaning Service- if you have a sense of what is clean and what is not, this is a great business.
Most of the time the people buy the cleaning products and you just go clean.
• Tutoring- tutor a younger teen or child while going through summer school or with subjects they are having difficulty with. Parents love this one.
• Small business assistant- I used to always get teens to help me with different jobs for my business. They would come for 2 hours a day and I would have things like shredding, bookwork, cleaning, organizing inventory, so many things.
So, get a plan together, and start preparing now because summer is almost here. Get the supplies you need, how many hours it will take, how much you are going to charge, who are you going to call, make a flyer, post it, tell all of your parents friends, and ask if they know anyone that needs your help. I think working is a lot more fun, when you are your own boss, so go have some fun and make some money and let me know how it goes.
Sexting, sending nude photos of yourself to someone through your cell phone. What are teens thinking…or are they?
It seems with all of this great new technology comes and big responsibility to the parents to educate their teens on what the dangers might be. It’s not all fun and games.
These are photos that you can’t take back, once they leave your phone and go to another persons phone, they can do what they want with them. Here is another video from the Today Show regarding this topic.
It seems so harmless and fun for teens, until something like this happens. It’s easy to find information on this subject parents. Ask your teen what he or she thinks about sex-ting, and then get on the Internet and start doing some research. Teens might not even think about the consequences. Ask them what if you or someone you know sends a nude picture to your boyfriend, and you break up and he is not happy about the break-up. What is the risk there?
It always comes down to it being our responsibility to educate our kids, so we have to be a step ahead them, which is really hard. My suggestion is always keep an open line of communication with your teen, so that they will keep you informed about what is going on. Get on the Internet and do the research first when your kids are younger, twelve and below, so that you will know what is going on. Even though new issues pop up everyday.
I was going to say Teens are dating at a much earlier age than even 7 years ago, but I realized that dating is an outdated word and action. Teens don’t date anymore, they hook up! They hang out and become boyfriend and girlfriend. Even though the times have changed in how teens get together, there are still important issues to be aware of with being in a relationship with a boy, if it’s healthy or not.
My first suggestion is to write a list of important qualities that you want in a relationship or partner. I have all the girls I mentor, no matter what age they are create this list. So let me show you what a list might look like. Include even the little things, like same hobbies or interests.
Caring
Communicative
Honest
Affectionate
Giving
Humorous
Loves life
Fun
Cares about his health
Confident
Friendly
Treats me and others well
Likes to dance
Likes hiking
Shares his feelings
Doesn’t drink or do drugs
Cares about his future
So, do you get the picture? Make the list as long as you need to, to be a complete list for you. Now circle the list items that are negotiable, things that if they don’t have these qualities it would be okay.
Every time you are hanging out with a guy and getting to know him, refer to your list. If he is exhibiting something on the list that is the opposite like; he is a snob and treats others poorly, well; you know you can’t be in a relationship with him, right? Right? Don’t think your going to change him, move on to find a relationship with someone that has the qualities you want, not someone you have to change to be that person.People don’t change usually for other people.
If you keep spending time with guys that are not what you want, you keep the door closed to spending time with the guys you want to be with. So just be friends with the guys that don’t have the qualities you are looking and keep that door open to bringing in a guy that has the qualities you want.
A few of girls I mentor stay in relationships with guys that they should not be in relationship with thinking that they can change them. Look at your behavior around this because this means you have self-esteem issues to work on. You might not think that you are worthy of someone treating you well and you getting what you want in a relationship. If this is the case let’s start working on you and your sense of self now, so you can have good relationship.
Let me know how your list is coming and if this has helped at all. We all deserve good relationships and people in our lives that show up for us and love us.
Well, it’s that time again! I’m in preparation for another workshop with girls that hopefully care.
It’s always my concern, when I go into an environment that has set up the workshop, instead of me hosting it. The difference is that when girls come because they want to or because they are told to go.
Preparing for a workshop takes a lot of time and energy, and it is so disheartening to present in front of a group of girls that are disrespectful and simply don’t care. My goal is always to make my workshop interactive and have my workshops so fun, that they just automatically pay attention. Some times easier said then done. They seem to have their own agenda, which seems to be stronger than my force to help them love themselves.
No matter what their agenda is, I will go and present with love, caring and understanding and have hope that they will take something away from my words that will help them find love for themselves.
