articles for parents of teen girls

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Overcoming Negativity

by Debra Beck

It is hard not be negative when things in the world aren't looking so positive. But I have noticed that negativity breeds negativity, and the best approach is to stop negativity in its tracks before it gets the better of us.

Negativity is our mind or thoughts controlling us. One thought leads to another, and then another; and before you know it, you can be down the road to feeling crummy and imagining the worst possible scenario, such as homelessness or sickness. When my mind starts going to those dark places, I realize that I need to take charge if I want to feel good. So as soon as my mind starts being pessimistic, I look at it, laugh and say, "There it goes again." Then immediately I take my mind to a positive place. I think of something that makes me happy.

When one bad thing happens and you make a big deal about it, have you noticed that another bad thing will happen, and then another bad thing? The situation snowballs. That's how bad days happen. So take notice and move on.

Now, if you have had a truly terrible day, it's okay to acknowledge that fact; just don't let yourself become that bad day.  Don't call all of your friends and keep talking about how bad your day was. The more you talk about it, the more it keeps being a bad day.  Instead, if you had a bad day, say to yourself, "I’m glad today is over. Tomorrow will be a better day." Call a friend and go have some fun. Watch a movie, go out for coffee or take a long walk.  Let the bad day go.  It is hard to be negative when you are around people who are happy and looking at the bright side of life.

Acknowledge the bad and let it go. Move on.
Tomorrow will be a better day.

If things have happened in your day that seem unreasonable or bad, look at them and see how you might have participated. It’s a good way to avoid creating the same situation in the future.  If something happens that doesn't feel good, acknowledge your feelings and see how you can shift them. Don't keep replaying the situation over and over again or keep talking about how it happened and how bad it is. Let it go.

We teach our children by example. If they see us constantly getting upset over things that happened in our day, they will learn to behave the same way and feel powerless in their lives. Instead, we can teach them how powerful the mind is and that we can decide where our mind will take us.

We can teach our girls how powerful the mind is and that
we can decide where our mind will take us.

If your kids are having a bad day, talk to them about it.  Ask them to tell you what happened and show them how easy it is to shift their bad day to a good day by letting go and focusing on something positive. It’s important, however, not to discount their feelings about what happened. Even if something seems trivial to you, it’s a big deal to them. So allow your children to own and express their emotions.  Give them the space to explore why they are feeling so bad. Acknowledge their pain, sadness or disappointment.

Help your teen girls dump the negative and shift
their attitude to a more positive place!

Once they have unburdened themselves and expressed everything they want to say, then it’s time to help them let go and shift their attitude to a more positive place. You can help them remember something good that happened recently. You can make them laugh or engage them in an activity you both enjoy.

Being positive not only feels better but helps our days play out more joyfully.  It’s also a wonderful tool to take charge of our lives.

Hey Parents of Teens!

Are you seeing signs of depression or negativity in your teen? I offer phone consultations for parents who need help. Please call 928.300.0447 to see if my coaching services are right for you and your situation. There is no obligation. The first 15-minutes are free.

For fifteen years, Debra Beck has done workshops with Girl Power, a program sponsored by the U.S. Department of Health and Human Services that is dedicated to helping “encourage and motivate eleven- to sixteen-year-old girls to make the most of their lives.” Her book "My Feet Aren't Ugly" will resonate with teenage girls and their parents equally for its sound advice and helpful suggestions, based on the author's own experiences.